elmer-fudd | elmer-fudd

Two women for whom I've been a friend for a long time both confessed their feelings and I have nothing to feel guilty about but I still feel guilty?<br><br>Hi – I’m a 30 year old man<br><br>I had a 5-year relationship with my high school sweetheart that broke up 5 years ago.<br><br>For most of that time I wasn’t really in the mood for other relationships. My job was suffering, and I was deep in student loan debt. I dated here and there but nothing at all serious. In that time I formed friendships with a lot of people out of my regular circle, largely because of my job.<br><br>In the past few years, I’ve made really good friends with two women that I’m on the periphery with. I know at one point or another both weren’t too thrilled that the other was in my life, but both know that at that time in my life, I wasn’t dating because I didn’t have the bandwidth to handle dating someone seriously or even at all.<br><br>So I formed these friendships. Both were absolute sweethearts. – let’s call them Janet and Niles. I know at one point or another both Janet and Niles had mild crushes on me and I on them, but I had no desire to date. In that time I formed these strong friendships with both, and we hung out and everything.<br><br>In the past few months I decided it was time I start dating. I started going out with – let’s call her Marsha. Marsha is great! I became serious with Marsha about a month ago and immediately told both Janet and Niles. Janet and Niles were both very supportive and both continued to be great friends.<br><br>And then it all blew up in my face.<br><br>Both Janet and Niles are in relationships but up until now have stayed platonic with me.<br><br>Janet’s fiancé cheated on her and immediately she came to me and confessed she had feelings for me that were immediate when we met years ago and that those feelings never went away. She said she’s always stayed in my life, even if we were just friends, because she always had feelings for me. She admitted that she noticed I was dating and that she realized that she hoped to get together with me one day. Now that her fiancé cheated, she’s single, and she confessed her feelings for me.<br><br>After that, Niles confessed she’d always had feelings for me too. Her boyfriend has been verbally abusive to her for the past few years and they’ve broken up and gotten back together so many times. She admitted to me that she was afraid to break up with him because she didn’t want to be alone, but that now that Janet and I are on the table she realized she needed to end things. She recently broke up with her boyfriend and admitted that she – like Janet – have always felt this way about me.<br><br>Both of these women I know are amazing and I don’t want to lose either as a friend. But I don’t feel either way about them. I don’t want to date either and I tell them that. I feel like I’m hurting their feelings because I refuse to end my relationship with Marsha, whom I love and adore. I saw this coming and I warned Marsha but despite that she’s really upset and hurt that I am still friends with them both. I don’t feel guilty because I don’t feel anything for either of them – why should I? I’m not doing anything wrong. However it doesn’t feel right.<br><br>I know I’m not doing anything wrong but somehow I feel guilty for staying friends with them.<br><br>Any insight?<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>UPDATE:<br><br>Alright. Well. This got out of hand. <br><br>For those who say I’m an AH for not choosing Niles – you are absolutely right. I was wrong to say – oh it’s not my problem! Niles and Janet are adults. <br><br>The truth is – I love Niles. And she’s in danger. And I had the chance to save her. I should have said yes to her. It’s not right that I looked at her and said – no, I’m in a happy relationship. What I should have said was – yes, but only if you go to therapy and get out of that toxic relationship and find out why you keep going back to him. I was selfish and I was wrong.<br><br>I never had any feelings for Janet despite what some suggested because I never met her. As I said, I’m on the periphery with Janet. I think she assumed I would feel the same because she had for me for so long. It was clear that once I turned her down, she had second thoughts. And that’s fine.<br><br>Marsha is starting to understand the full situation and she believes that it was wrong of me for Niles. She believes we should break up – which is how I feel. I don’t think I’m in any place to be in a relationship. I haven’t taken care of myself in a long time and I should have taken a step back. I should not have said yes to Marsha. I want to be with Niles but I shouldn’t be with anyone right now.<br><br>Marsha suggested we break up and I date Niles and Janet at the same time, and I immediately said no. Marsha was right – that isn’t fair to either woman. If I’m going to be with Niles, I need to take the time to make sure I’m in the right place to be with anyone.<br><br>I’m sorry for those I disappointed. I saw this coming but I wanted to make things simple for myself and that selfishness caused so much of the hurt I caused.