A women’s voice, for my daughter and all women, 2023

*Caveat: This is a post, not a discussion. If there is sufficient interest I will build a thread for discussion.* We have come a long way. In some respects, we are further ahead than ever. In other respects, we are just making things worse, progressively so. We are going the wrong way. When we started this journey, we started with the basics. Women have a right to education, equal pay for equal work, equal opportunities. This was about equality. Somewhere along the way, the women’s movement went in a completely different direction. It started to be about individual choices, each of which seemed to progressively erode equality. The first choice was for abortion. Once, women and men could consent to sex. Once, women and men could work to avoid being pregnant. But with the advent of the birth control pill and abortion, women were, en-mass, having unprotected sex, with their chosen path being to terminate their babies. Isn’t that unequal? Doesn’t the women choose? Doesn’t the man have no say? The second, lesser choice, is about paternity. In order for a man to even prove paternity, men have to ask for and demand a DNA test. Women never need to ask for or demand a DNA test, simply because they already know. The third, lesser choice, is about the child support. On average, women build their careers slower, while men build their careers faster, often in dual income families. Once a woman has the child, they want the man to pay, and not even equally. This is about the money, but there is a lot more money from the man. Isn’t that unequal? Doesn’t the women choose? Doesn’t the man have no say? The fourth, lesser choice, is the divorce. Women initiate just over half of the divorces. In the past, a divorce was about two people not being able to work together. This is, again, unequal. The final choice is the one that gets me. Every woman has a right to be a mother. A lot of women choose not to be mothers. Many women choose to be single mothers. Many women choose to be working mothers. These women, and every women, has a right to be a mother. But what about the man? They don’t have a right, simply because the women choose for them. When we started this journey, that seemed like equality. But does it seem equal now? Doesn’t the women choose? Doesn’t the man have no say? As I look back and review the journey we have been on, I am more and more disheartened. I think that there is a better way. I think that we have a choice. I think we can choose and promote equality and equity. #1. Choose Consensual Sex. No open sex, with anyone. Consent is a choice. Men and women choose, but women more than men choose not to consent. Once you have consented, then you must deal with the outcome. No birth control is perfect. If there is an outcome, then you must work to make it right. You made a choice. #2. Choose to Parent. No abortion. No termination. No, I choose. Once you have chosen, then there are two parents involved. They must work together. They must make a choice. No man forced you to have sex. No man forced you to be a mother. If you are a mother, then you made a choice. You must work with your partner, or find a new one. #3. Choose Financial Independence. No child support. No man forced you to be a mother. No man forced you to choose. If you made a choice, then you must make it work. If you can’t, then that is your choice. #4. Subsidy the Child. If I have a child, then I will work to support my child. I won’t choose to have a mother. Once the mother has the child, then I will pay the mother for the mother. I build my career to make a lot of money. I will pay for a mother, because I have a choice. I have a right to my money and to my career. I will also have a right to my child. #5. Choose the Mother. Some mothers choose to stay home. Some mothers choose to work. Some mothers choose to work more. Some mothers choose to work less. If I have a child, then I want the mother to stay home with the child. I want a mother to stay home with the child. I want a mother who chooses to be a mother. I want a mother who chooses to stay home. I want a mother who chooses to be supported. I want a mother who chooses to be a mother. I also want a mother who chooses to be a mother, and also works. I want a mother who chooses the child and chooses the career, in that order. I want a mother who chooses the child, but still chooses to work. I want a mother who chooses whether to work from home, or work outside. I want a mother who chooses to be a mother. I want a mother who chooses to stay at home for a year, who chooses to stay at home for two years, who chooses to stay at home for five years. I want a mother who chooses to be a part-time mother. I want a mother who chooses to be a full-time mother. I want a mother who chooses to be a mother. I want a mother who chooses not to be a mother. Yes, that is a choice. 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A women’s voice, for my daughter and all women, 2023

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