Things I learned as a former fundamentalist

I was raised in the fundamentalist Christian denomination known as the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist (IFB). I was born into it, and was never given a choice whether it was what I wanted or not. I had to follow it, and I was surrounded by people who shamed me for any questions I had. My parents were extreme in their views and practices, and I'm sure many of you have heard of the Duggar family and their show '19 Kids and Counting.' Well... my life was pretty similar to theirs. <br><br>I was subjected to 'rape culture' my whole life. I had no idea there was any other option. I knew that women were not equal in our church. We were not allowed to work, and were raised to believe that our highest calling was to be a good submissive wife and a mother. I was told that I was nothing without a man by my side, and was taught how to respond to being raped. My parents were very open about the fact that I would never be allowed to see a gynecologist or a doctor of any kind before marriage. One of the elders of our church took advantage of me and my family for years, while we were struggling with all of the health problems I was having. He brought his wife into my room while he did his exams on me. I was too young to know what was happening, but I remember feeling uncomfortable as he put his hands on my stomach.<br><br>In the IFB, women are taught how to respond to 'rape,' because it's a possibility. The women are blamed for the assault. When I was 16, I told my parents and my church that I had been sexually assaulted and was told that I had tempted the devil. It was acknowledged that I was not at fault, but I was to blame for even tempting the devil. We were not allowed to use 'RAPE' to describe it. Somehow, it was less of an assault, but I was still blamed. I was told that my body had betrayed me, and that I just had lustful thoughts. I was forced to marry at 17, because I got pregnant by the same man who assaulted me. I was called a liar, and told that I was being dramatic and attention seeking. It took a long time to acknowledge it, because I was taught that my body had betrayed me, and that it was a lie and a sin to admit I was assaulted. <br><br>When I was 19, my husband's pastor confronted me about being 'perverse.' He had no reason to think this other than that I was OUTDOOR BATHING. When the wind blew, I looked down and saw my reflection, and that made me perverse. I had to choose to be married to my husband or leave the church. I knew that I couldn't let my children grow up with the same lies and beliefs. I knew I had to take them away. I was not raised to question anything. I was raised to obey without questioning. It took me dealing with very difficult situations, but I finally questioned my faith. I asked questions about why it was okay to blaspheme my body and put blame on me. I asked why all of these things were happening to me. I questioned everything, but I was shamed for asking questions. I had to make the choice. Was I going to betray myself and continue in a faith that didn't believe in me, or was I going to take care of my children and leave this faith behind me? <br><br>I slowly started coming into my own. I asked questions about my health. I learned how to take control of my body. I learned how to love my body. I started making educated decisions about my own health. I chose to use a hospital, and I loved my experience. I had a great doctor and a great midwife, and I felt supported and empowered by them. I realized how all of the lies and shame affected me, and I learned how to take back control of my body. I learned that I am valid and worthy of love and care and respect. I was lied to for years, and I learned how to break free from them. I teach my children how to love and respect their bodies, and I am proud to share my experience with others. I am proud to be a witch.