My husband admitted that he didn’t expect anyone to want to fuck a 42 year old woman when he asked for open marriage

Initially, I wrote a very long post with our whole backstory but before posting it, I deleted the entire thing. It didn’t really matter how we got here but here we are. He asked for open marriage after 20 years of happy marriage because he wasn’t attracted to me anymore even though he still loved me. Maybe it was midlife crisis? but he was panicking about not have been with another woman his entire life. I left him and the house and asked for a divorce. The separation devastated us mentally and financially. My children suffered the most and started hating me for leaving and breaking their happy home. When I returned, I told him that I will never divorced him. As he wished, I allowed him to have an open marriage.<br><br>In the beginning, I went on a few dates but I still loved him and it felt wrong and made me very uncomfortable when I was out with other men. While I was lying in bed with a few men, I couldn’t stop thinking that they were not my husband. I hurt so much and it felt like I was betraying him. My heart was bleeding and I just wanted to go home. I have been on a few dates but never met anyone that I liked. My husband was hooking up with women all the time. He was having sex with anyone that he could without any standards. He only cared about quantity. <br><br>After meeting few men, I gave up on dating and I was determined that I would never be able to find anyone else that I would ever love as much as my husband. In my mind, I have already made peace. I knew that I couldn’t stop him and the best I could do for myself and for my family was to accept the reality and move on. My husband was still the love of my life but I have learned to live with the new reality that he wasn’t mine anymore. I looked at him as my co-parent, friend, and person that I loved but I have lost the romantic love that I had for him. I was determined to find a way to be happy in an open marriage and I was working hard to accept this reality and move on with my life.<br><br>Three months ago, everything changed. At his work, there was an extremely attractive woman in her mid 30’s. She was looking for a one night stand partner and she chose my husband. She was very persistent but he kept declining because he didn’t want to sleep with anyone at work. Few weeks later, I complained to him that I was unhappy and I haven’t had sex for months. I hinted to him that maybe he could consider making an effort and making me happy again. I was hoping that he would bring me to a hotel with this other woman but instead, he offered me to bring another man to our house so that I can have my one night stand is that made me happy. He didn’t care that I was sleeping with another man as long as it was only once and the man was gone after a few hours. <br><br>The woman from work was still trying to get with my husband, so he asked me if I was ok if he hooked up with her as long as it was a one night stand. I kind of knew that he was going to do it anyway but it still hurt that he asked me for a permission. Few days later, he hooked up with her. He was so happy and told me that she was the most attractive woman that he ever met and the sex was amazing. Although it hurt, I was happy for him. This was what he wanted, so I let him enjoy. I was just numbing the pain and trying to move on with my life.<br><br>After he hooked up with her, something in me was broken. Maybe it was the knowledge that he was with another woman and he was happy or maybe I just made peace with the new reality but I decided to take a chance and go on dates again. I already knew that few guys were interested in me. They were all just texting me but I never met any of them. Few days later, I met one of them at a coffee shop. I didn’t expect anything and I knew that it would be awkward but a mild looking 45 years old man showed up. He seemed like a decent person and I had a fairly ok time. We met again and had sex. He was nothing compared to my husband but he was better than a vibrator.<br><br>The following week, I met another guy around my age who was pretty ok looking. I had ok time and we also hooked up. He was very nice and I felt bad breaking up with him because I didn’t feel any chemistry but I acknowledged that he wasn’t the one for me. Then, I met a 38 years old fairly good looking guy. We hooked up the same night and he was by far the best that I met so far. He was genuinely a nice guy and I started falling in love with him. I felt so good. This is what I always wanted. Someone who cared about me and made me happy.<br><br>He was nothing compared to my husband. My husband was 6’2” 190 lbs with 6 packs but this guy was 5’10” 160 lbs with a big belly. My husband was extremely good looking and had a chiseled face but this guy had an average face. My husband was in his prime and extremely sexy but this guy was in his late 30’s and not very attractive. I was disappointed but I still loved him. I finally felt that I got over my husband and moved on with my life. I had someone who cared for me and loved me and I felt extremely happy. Life was finally good.<br><br>Few days ago, my husband told me that he met someone that he liked. I didn’t care because I had someone that I loved. I was happy that he was happy. I always wished that he finds someone that he would be happy with. I was actually happy for him until he told me that she was expecting him to be faithful and he was considering closing our open marriage. I was is shock. I just got happy. I finally got someone that I loved. I finally moved on with my life and found happiness. Now, I might lose it all? Is this a bad joke from God? I don’t want to leave this guy. I don’t want to loose him. I finally found someone who loved me.