Mom is always calling me weird names

I was about 2-3 when we moved out to our new home in the country. After Dad had the heart attack, he got a big check. That was reason enough for him to quit his job. He never told me exactly what he did before he retired, but he always said he was an investigator of some kind. Dad said he wanted a short commute for his next job, so we moved the short distance to our ranch. 35 minutes from work was close enough for him. It was nice not having to rely on Mom’s salary by itself, but things could get boring. There was no TV or video games allowed in our house. It was an old ranch and Dad knew a bit about farming. He said it was hard work, but he was up for it. We had some chickens for the first year or so, but then the coyotes got them. We’d been on the ranch for about 6 months when I had my first island dream. # I’m standing on a beach. I can’t see any houses. I’m not even sure I’m in the water when I dream. I don’t know how I got here. I look down and I’m about four. I look down because I don’t see Mom or Dad anywhere. I look out to the water and I see Mom waving at me. I see Dad standing off to the side with some guy I don’t recognize. It’s just a dream. It’s strange, but it’s just a dream. I start running towards the water. I see Mom wading towards me. I can’t stop. My legs are running on their own. “Mommy!” I say, but it sounds like gibberish. My mouth is moving, but my lips are numb. Mom wades through the water and picks me up. She points to the guy standing with Dad and calls me ‘Axe’. He waves and smiles. “Hello, Axe,” he says, but it sounds muffled. I want to correct Mom, but she jogs with me back out into the water. I don’t want to really correct her. I like the sound of that name. She tosses me into the water. I can feel the surface of the water breaking. I’m shoved down through into the water. I can feel the water surrounding me. I wake up. From that point forward, I would have the beach dream over and over. — I had the dream for years, and then I didn’t. — It started again this year. — I’m 18 now and I still have the dream. The last time I had it, I tried to correct myself. In the dream, I said “My name is Callum. Not Axe.” Mom didn’t respond. She just looked at me like I was crazy. I haven’t had the dream in a long time. — I went to college in the city 35 minutes away. I’m just a psychology major. I was never one of those students who knew exactly what I wanted to be, where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to do. I don’t think that even exists in real life. It was my senior year before I knew what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to be a psychologist. I wanted to go into nursing. I don’t know why I didn’t think about it before that. My Dad had died from a heart attack right before we moved to the ranch. It was strange growing up with a quadriplegic mom. She was always in bed when I got up. It wasn’t that weird though. When I was about 8, she started getting out of bed more. She’d sit in her wheelchair at the kitchen table and watch TV. I’d sit with her. We wouldn’t talk much. Sometimes she’d have the radio on. Classical music was her favorite. I remember particularly one day she was listening to the radio. I think it was an announcer on a news program. He was describing someone’s symptoms who’d recently had a heart attack. I remember her looking over at me and saying “Did you know your father didn’t die from a heart attack?” She said it like a fact. Like I should have known it. “What?” I asked her. “Yes,” she said, “he was stung by a bee.” Then she stared back at the TV. I remember for a while after that I had the island dream constantly. I had it so much that I thought it was real. I’d look out at the fields and wonder what lay beyond the horizon. I felt like I was in some kind of purgatory. I felt like my entire life was a dream. It was like that Bee thing had triggered something. I’d have a bad dream and wake up. Before I knew it, I’d be asleep again. I’d think I’d been awake for hours. I’d think I had days and weeks of being awake, but then I’d have another island dream. I felt like my entire life was a crazy hallucination or something. Other nights, I couldn’t sleep. I’d lie in bed and hear Mom moving around. She was wheeling herself around the house. I’d hear the sound of her wheels on the laminate floor. I was probably around 12 when I got out of bed. I wanted to make sure she was ok. I walked to the kitchen and it was empty. The TV was off. Mom’s room was empty. I looked through the window and saw her sitting in her wheelchair. She was looking at the moon. I went to the front of the house and she was looking at the fields. It was strange. She was sitting there doing nothing. I finally went back to bed. I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned. I looked at my alarm. Then I’d look at it again. It wasn’t changing. I’d close my eyes and try to relax. I’d close my eyes and try to go to sleep. I finally fell asleep. I don’t know when. I don’t know how long I slept. I just know when I woke up, it was morning and Mom was gone. She was dead. She died in her sleep. I was probably about 14, but I don’t remember. — I got accepted into nursing school. I got my degree and I’m now a flight nurse. It was strange that the first flight I got was to take a patient in the city to a hospital 35 minutes out. “Wait,” I said, “is that the hospital near where I grew up?” “Yeah,” the pilot said. “Maybe you know someone there.” I couldn’t believe it. I loaded the patient into the chopper and we took off. Maybe it was a coincidence, but the closer we got to the ranch, the more familiar the landmarks looked. I thought I saw the place where I used to go sledding. It was a strange feeling. I was excited and nervous at the same time. The closer we got to the ranch, the more I felt like I’d never been there before. Like I was just watching some movie about some kid and his life on a ranch. “What is that place?” I asked the pilot. “There? That’s the old Cardenas place. It’s abandoned. Some woman lives there alone now.” We’d been flying over the ranch for a few minutes. I saw our old house for the first time in years. The pilot pointed his chin at the house. “Some woman lives there alone now.” “She can’t be alone,” I said. “There’s a kid there.” “Where?” “See that kid right there? Walking out of the house. That’s me.” The pilot looked at me. “You ok?” “Yeah,” I said, “I think I’m just tired. I haven’t slept well.” We landed at the hospital, unloaded the patient, then loaded up another patient to take back to the city. “Hey,” I said to the pilot as we were flying away. “Do you recognize me?” “No,” he said, “should I?” “Do you have any nicknames for me?” “No,” he said, “I just met you. Why?” “I don’t know,” I said. “I’m just tired.” He laughed. “Get some sleep.” I couldn’t sleep that night. I couldn’t sleep the next. I couldn’t sleep the next few nights after that. I called a doctor and he gave me a pill. I went to sleep. I slept for 24 hours. When I woke up, I had the beach dream again. — I couldn’t sleep for the next few nights after that. I couldn’t stop thinking about the ranch. I thought about Mom and Dad. The dream was always the same, but I started to see different things. The last time I had the dream, I saw a name written on a piece of paper. I’m not sure why I remember that name. It was just “Nel” followed by some doodles of seagulls. The next night, I had the dream again. I saw Mom and Dad. I looked out to the water and I saw a guy waving at me. It was the same guy from the first dream. I’d seen him before, but he was never the one on the beach before. He must have replaced Mom at some point. I decided I wanted to know more about him. I asked him “What’s your name?” His lips moved, but the words sounded muffled. I waved at him and said “Hi! I’m Callum.” I woke up. — I haven

Mom is always calling me weird names

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