I no longer love my husband after he let me die

I can't tell anyone this. My closest friend that would understand is still heartbroken because her husband died last year. My therapist keeps sending me to couples counseling. He's perfect. I just can't get over it. <br><br>2 months ago, I had a cardiac arrest while we were in bed. My husband was next to me and "didn't even realize" it had happened. He fell asleep, then woke up 4 hours later. He thought I was just sleeping because he was fast asleep. He didn't wake me until 8am, which is when he saw I was cold.<br><br>I was dead for 6 hours. Brain dead. My body was completely cold, of course. <br><br>The hospital told us I'll have severe brain damage and it could be extreme. We're still waiting to know more, but I've been able to communicate better and seem to have some of my memories intact. I'm able to say certain things, but it's taking months to improve. The doctors had given up on me regaining any cognitive function. I turned out better than they expected.<br><br>I keep trying to remind my husband that he's my husband and I've loved him. I've tried to kiss him. I've tried to be affectionate. And I just don't want to. I don't want to because we were in bed, and I DIED. A week later, I was told I may never be able to be the same person ever again, and he didn't even notice I was dead.<br><br>Now, he will not leave my side. He's been spending every waking moment with me. And I just want him gone. I want him away. He's doing so many things for me. He's doing everything for me. But I just don't want him touching me.<br><br>I'm not fully myself yet. But I will be. I will be the same person again. Or so my doctors say. But I will never love my husband again. I feel so bad in my heart. I've been so loyal to him. He's the only man I've slept with. But I just don't want him. <br><br>He won't sleep in bed with me. He sleeps on the floor next to the bed. So he's been so devoted to me. But I can't seem to get over it. My brain just won't allow me to love him.<br><br>I want a divorce.