I just knifed a rapist and the Police are on their way.

I'm shaking so much I can barely type. I'm really sorry if this is confusing. <br><br>Everything in this post happened about 30 mins ago.<br><br>My daughter doesn't usually shower at night, she showered tonight, so I waited til she was asleep. I went to the kitchen, I got the biggest knife I have. It's about 10 inches long. I went into my bedroom, I shut and locked the door and I stabbed myself in the throat. I feel like I've gone crazy. I don't know what else to do. <br><br>I was raped when I was 17 and I became a Mum at 18. My beautiful, clever, kind daughter is now 16 and she looks exactly like her father. <br><br>I hate him so much. I can't describe what I feel, sometimes I feel like an alien has possessed me when I look at her. I feel like I want to strangle her, I feel like burning her alive. I feel unwell for feeling this way but I can't stop it. <br><br>I was raped. 17 years ago. One night. I was a virgin. I was a victim and I was raped for hours. He was much bigger and stronger than me. I couldn't escape. The best I could do was disassociate. I went away in my mind. I still can't remember all of it, apart from the smell, he reeked of BO. <br><br>I can't describe what I'm feeling now. Heartbroken. Sick. Ashamed. <br><br>I got pregnant and I had to tell my parents. They convinced me I should keep her. They convinced me that abortion would ruin my life. I was barely an adult myself. I was still in school. I had nothing. No place to live. No money. No partners. No one wanted me, no one ever wanted me. I was alone when I was raped. I was alone when I was pregnant. I was alone when she was born. <br><br>They helped me. They helped a lot. They helped me so much I couldn't have survived without them. But they wanted a grandchild. They wanted a baby in the house. They wanted someone to leave their money to when they died. They wanted their cake and they wanted to eat it and I was just a child. I was a stupid little girl. I made a mistake that will haunt me for the rest of my life. <br><br>I hate him so much. I hate him more than anything. But it's my own fault. I'm weak. I'm pathetic. I did this to myself. <br><br>I'm so, so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't want to do it. I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do. <br><br>They'll be here soon. I have to go.<br><br>Edit: Thank you all for your kindness. I'm still alive, but I'm receiving court mandated healthcare. I'm very lucky to not be in prison. I can't say any more at the moment. I just want to say thank you so much again for all the wonderful comments. I'm sorry for any alarm I've caused.