My dad was addicted to heroin and that’s how I got addicted too. I’ve been sober for 2 years now, but I feel like I fucked up my whole life because of it.

I’m 22 years old now and I started using drugs at 14. I took a break and got into more heavy stuff at 19 and that’s when I got into heroin. I started using with my dad and at first, I felt bad about that. I remember how I used to hate him and wished he’d never existed. Unfortunately, my parents were separated and my mother couldn’t support us financially. We were left with nothing and I’d usually find myself alone with my dad. He was around me more often than my mother and I must admit that that was when I stopped hating him for abandoning us.<br><br>At first, he’d buy me beer and marijuana. I was 14 when he got me high for the first time. I remember feeling so good and happy. It was like my depression wasn’t there anymore. I was so happy to be with him. Growing up, I’d always dreamt of the day we could bond and be a regular family, but it never happened. <br><br>My dad has been an addict for years. I remember seeing his track marks growing up. I was so disappointed with him because I thought he was a bad father. It took me years to realize that he’s been battling with his addiction since he was young. He’s in his 40’s now and I believe he’s been an addict for most of his life. <br><br>Back to my story… After getting me high for the first time, my dad promised me that he’d be there for me and that I’d never have to worry about anything as long as he’s around. I was happy to have him in my life, but we’d only see each other from time to time. That didn’t stop me from using. I got into weed and realized that it wasn’t that bad. I remember telling myself back then that I could handle it and it’s okay to smoke weed because it’s just a plant. I began using more often and I realized I was already dependent on it. Back then I didn’t know that I was already an addict, but I did realize that I couldn’t function without it anymore.<br><br>I was 19 when I started to come visit my dad regularly. He got me into hard drugs like meth, cocaine, and ecstasy. I’d usually stay with him when I used these and he’d always share them with me. That was when we developed an addict-to-addict relationship. We never spoke like a regular father and son. Whenever we got together, it was always about drinking and getting high. <br><br>I was 22 when my dad offered me heroin for the first time. I got into heroin about 6 months before I turned 23. I remember us getting so high together and how he said he was so proud to have me as a son and that he’d do anything for me as long as I’ll always be there for him and won’t leave him. I was so high that I agreed to stay with him for the rest of my life and never leave him. I believed him back then and I truly thought he cared about me. I think he did care, but he loves his addiction more and he wouldn’t mind if it’ll cost him his relationship with me. <br><br>We were that close, but I was so disappointed with him when he started avoiding me because I didn’t have money to pay for my drugs. I’d usually come to visit him just so we could get high together. I’d give him money and he’d buy the drugs from his dealer and that’s the only time we’d get high together. I didn’t have a job at that time and my grandmother was funding my addiction. I’d usually wait for my mom to ask my grandmother to give her money because she knew my grandmother didn’t want to give me any money because of my addiction. I’d usually buy my drugs secretly and my dad knew that. One day, my grandmother gave me a job just so I have access to money. <br><br>I got the job and I was earning a decent amount of money, but it wasn’t enough to purchase drugs. My addict brain told me that I needed to find a better job and earn money just to pay for my drugs. I started to come visit my dad less often when I got the job. He got mad at me when he found out that I had money to buy my own drugs and that I didn’t give him any money to purchase his drugs. He was really mad about that and he started to avoid me. He told me I couldn’t come visit him anymore. He accused me of being inconsiderate and self-centered. I tried to plead with him, but he kept telling me to leave him alone. I tried to reach out to him but he’d ignore me. I tried to help him but he didn’t want me to. I even tried to give him money but he’d take it and not give me any drugs in return. I felt like I’d spent all that money for nothing. He didn’t care about me. He took advantage of me when he knew I didn’t have any money and loved to take advantage of me. I tried to stay with him but he kept telling me to leave. I had no one else to turn to, but at that time, I had my boyfriend. He took me in and helped me get back on my feet. He took me to therapy and I eventually got sober and left him. I’m not addicted anymore, but my dad is still an addict. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to live with him anymore. I’m actually living with my boyfriend right now and I don’t want to leave him anymore. I’m confused. I care about my dad so much but I don’t want to live like that anymore. What do I do?