AITA for refusing to go to the doctor and wasting a surgery date for my boyfriend?

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 8 months now and my parents really want us to move in together and have us move out of my sisters house. My boyfriend has had a pretty tough life. He grew up in the foster system, has had 3 previous kids that he isn’t close to, he has a few mental health problems and is currently in therapy for. I love him very much and I do what I can to help him through all of his struggles. I also have a pretty tough life myself. I have 3 siblings who are still in my parents house. One of them is married and her husband doesn’t want her there. The other is my sister and she and I are both women. I’m bi but my sister is lesbian. Her ex girlfriend got pregnant after they broke up and she needed a place to stay. I didn’t mind helping her out but it was a bit much once the baby was born and I had to stop working because of the stress of taking care of the baby and my sister who isn’t really the best. She hasn’t helped out much with the baby. She isn’t really interested in being a mom and I’ve had to step in a few times for her ex girlfriend who is the biological mom. <br><br>My mom told me that she wants me to move back home and my sister can stay with her girlfriend and the baby in the spare room and my other sister can come home and everyone can live together again. I told them I wasn’t really comfortable with that and they were disappointed. I didn’t really know what else to say. They called me a few days ago and asked me if I could meet them at the house so that my boyfriend and I could talk. When I got there my boyfriend and I went into the living room and my parents sat on the couch. <br><br>They told us that they weren’t really happy with my answer but that they understood and that they wanted me to be happy and that I seemed happy with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is usually pretty quiet but he talked a little bit about how nice I am to him and how much he loves me. My mom said that she really wants us to move in together so that we can be a real couple and she offered to buy us a new house and she said she understood that we may want some privacy and alone time. I told her that was very nice of her but I wasn’t really sure what to say back because she was asking us to commit to moving in together and she was asking if we wanted to be monogamous. I didn’t want to commit to being in a polyamorous relationship and I didn’t think it was fair to ask my boyfriend to do that either. My parents were a bit disappointed in that answer. <br><br>Then my mom asked me if I could schedule a doctor’s visit for me and my boyfriend. She said that she wanted to do a premarriage physical and she would cover everything. I told her that I didn’t think that was a good idea and that I wasn’t comfortable with him going either and that I wasn’t planning on getting married to him. She was surprised at that and asked me why not. I told her that I loved him but I don’t think marriage is for me. She told me that she was disappointed but that she still wants me to be happy and that she wants him to be happy. <br><br>She then told me that if I wanted to prove that I’m committed to him and want to marry him in the future that I should prove that by being monogamous. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that. <br><br>She told me that if I really love him then I should trust him and I should be willing to be checked out physically so that I can give him the best experience possible before we settle down and get married. I told her that I was committed to my own body and that if I wanted to see someone it would be for me not him. <br><br>Then she told me that she was willing to cover the cost of a surgery for me if I wanted it. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that and she looked at me kind of funny. She asked me why not and I told her that I wasn’t sure. I don’t want surgery. I don’t want my boyfriend to. I finally told her that the reason I wasn’t comfortable with any of this was because I wasn’t planning on getting married or committing to him. <br><br>She was disappointed in me. So were my parents. I told her that she was wasting her money if she was planning on booking a surgery date for me or my boyfriend and she looked at me funny. She told me she had already booked a date for him but that she hadn’t bought any tickets for anything. I asked her how she was going to pay for a surgery if she hadn’t booked anything. She told me that she was going to refuse to pay for the surgery then and I asked her why she booked a date then? <br><br>She told me that she wanted to show him that I was serious about wanting to commit to him and I asked her what made her think that I was. She told me that she thought I wasted my time on him and that she thought I was stupid for not wanting to commit to him because she thought he was a good guy. I told her that I appreciated her wanting to help but she was wasting her time and money on me and I left.<br><br>I know that I may be hurting her feelings and I’m hurting my parents feelings but I don’t want to commit to my boyfriend or anyone right now. I’m not sure if I ever will. My boyfriend called me and asked what happened and I told him what happened and he told me that he knows how she can be and he is sorry for her wasting her time on me. I asked him if he was okay with me not wanting to commit to him and he said yes. He told me he understands me not wanting to get married and that if I never want to he will be happy. He also told me that he doesn’t want surgery and that he doesn’t want a marriage physical. He told me he loves me and he doesn’t need anything else and I’m grateful for him.<br><br>I told my parents I still don’t want to commit to him and that he doesn’t want to either. I told them I’d rather live alone and not get married. My mom told me I’m being stupid and that I’m wasting my life away and that I’m hurting her and I should be sorry. I told her she was wasting her time and money and that she shouldn’t bother me again.<br><br>I told her that if she tries to force me then I’ll stop helping my sister and that my sister can move out. I’m willing to do that. I’m tired of doing everything for her and I’m tired of my mom pushing me to do stuff I don’t want to do. I love my parents but I’m done. I don’t think I’m an asshole but I want to know if I am.