My husband gave my BIL some of my underwear for their shared sex acts.

I was completely floored when my husband told me he gave my BIL my used underwear for their sex acts.<br><br>It was a couple of days before my husband dropped this bomb on me that my BIL and I were out and about when he said he had to stop at a Target on the way home. I decided to go in as well and while I was in there, I bought myself some new underwear. One of the packages was Victoria’s Secret boy shorts, and the others were some lacey Hanes bikinis. I brought them home and put them in a hamper filled with clean and dirty laundry.<br><br>My husband and I have an open marriage, and we have been doing this for the last 4 years without any issues from either of us. My husband is straight, I am bi, and I’ve known my brother in law (BIL) is bi for a long time. Over the last 3 years, my BIL has been a recurring sex partner. My husband is okay with all this, and the three of us get along well.<br><br>Back to the bomb my husband dropped on me… It was 3 weeks ago when my husband and I were sitting in the living room, alone and I noticed he seemed exceptionally quiet. I pressed him on it until he told me that he and my BIL went out and when my husband was showing him some of my panties, my BIL mentioned they looked like nothing I would ever wear. Then my BIL asked why my husband had them when he knows they aren’t my style. My husband then told my BIL that I bought them and put them in the laundry right out of the package.<br><br>Then my husband dropped the bomb on me, and his exact words are etched in my mind forever, “I told him that I still had them because I s****ed them and he asked me why. I told him I s****ed them because they smelled like your p**** and that I s****ed them because they were your p**** juice.” Then he admitted that my BIL asked him to bring them over to him so he could “play with them”. My husband then admitted that he brought them to my BIL, along with some of my previously worn underwear. My husband ended by saying, “I know this wasn’t a good idea. Please don’t be mad at me.”, and he wasn’t expecting a reaction from me. I was dumbfounded that he thought this was okay.<br><br>My husband and I talked for a while and I asked him why he would think this was okay. He admitted that he did it out of “brotherly love”. I asked him what he meant by that, and he said that he has always felt like he wanted to be a part of our sex acts together, and since he is straight, he could never do that. He said when he s****ed the panties he felt like he was with us during our last encounter. I told him that wasn’t an acceptable reason and that I wanted a better reason than that. He told me that he did it as a way to be a part of my BIL’s sex life that he couldn’t be a part of. He also admitted he had been feeling a little left out because my BIL and I had been having a lot of sex and he wasn’t able to do anything about it. I told him he needed to accept the fact that I am a woman and he can’t have sex with a woman as he is straight. I told him that he needed to find another way to be a part of our sexual relationship if he wanted to be more than just my husband and have a sexual relationship with my BIL.<br><br>My husband then told me that he knew I was going to be angry, so he decided to buy me a nice dinner, and his exact words are, “I was going to buy you the moon if that’s what you wanted because I knew you were going to kill me over this. I just wanted to do something nice before you express your anger at me.”<br><br>I just shook my head and told him to go out and get my dinner. He did, but I just put it in the fridge and left it there and went to bed. The next night came and went and I still didn’t touch the food he bought for me. It was the third night that I decided I don’t want the food he bought anymore and I took it to my BIL and gave it to him. He was floored by me being so angry that I took him the food my husband bought for me as an apology.<br><br>My husband and I haven’t been having sex for quite some time. In fact, it’s been just over a year since we have been intimate. Because of this, we have been seeing other people. I have full access to his phone and email, as he does mine. We know everyone the other is seeing. We’ve had our issues in the past, but we have worked through all of them.<br><br>He knows I’m angry over this, but I haven’t expressed just HOW angry I am over it yet. I have been over at my BIL’s for the last 2 days hiding from my husband. I just haven’t been ready to talk to him about it yet. I don’t know if I’m just sparse for punishment or not, but I haven’t texted or called him since the bomb dropped. We always stay in contact, and he knows something is up because we haven’t been in contact for the last 2 days, and he’s been telling me he knows I’m angry, but I don’t think he realizes just how angry I am.<br><br>The fact that my husband told me he gave my BIL my used underwear without talking it over with me is the part that has me completely floored. Not only did he do it behind my back, he did it for his own selfish reasons. Now that I’ve had some time to process everything, I’m starting to feel extremely violated and disgusted. I mean, I was there when my BIL opened the bag and pulled out my panties and smelled them. I know what my husband did was not within the boundaries that he and I agreed on. I also know I can forgive him, but it will take a long time, as I’m still processing everything.<br><br>I want his feelings and perspective on all this, but I don’t know how to approach him because I’m so upset over it. How would you approach someone about something like this? I just need some help as to how to approach him. Should I approach him as just wanting to talk about it or should I approach him as being angry about it?<br><br>**TL;DR:** I’m not sure how to approach my husband about the fact that he gave my BIL my underwear without my permission when I know he knows that isn’t okay.