My Asian students asked me “What if my parents don’t let me do this?” My response: “Don’t do it.”

I get that parents have control over their kids. I get that students feel pressured by their parents, and that’s fine. My Asian students don’t want to disobey their parents, and I’m totally okay with that. <br><br>My school is a US school with a heavy East Asian population. Most students are East Asian. Most parents don’t speak English. I’m sure many of them are not aware of all the school rules and policies. I don’t speak Mandarin or Korean so I don’t have a way to communicate with them. The parents are very strict with their children, and my Asian students have to get approval from their parents for everything. They are not allowed to do anything their parents don’t approve of. They won’t tell their parents if they get a speeding ticket, get caught shoplifting, or any other thing they did wrong. They don’t want to deal with the yelling and punishment. <br><br>I taught a lesson on plagiarism today, and I told the students that they are responsible for any plagiarism, cheating, or poor behavior, even if they didn’t know. I said I’m not going to deal with their parents. If you plagiarize or cheat, you get a detention or a zero, and I’m not going to explain to your parents why you are in trouble. I’m a substitute teacher, so I don’t have to deal with them again. I don’t care. I told them that if they ask their parents for permission before doing something, they should let me know and I’ll change what they have to do. They can do an alternative assignment. If they don’t ask me, they don’t get to use their parents as an excuse if they get in trouble. <br><br>I also told them that I’m not going to change my instruction or assignments. They need to ask me if they need accommodations. If they don’t ask me, I’m not going to be mad at them. I’m going to give them consequences. I told them that it’s okay to ask for help and accommodations. It doesn’t make them weak or stupid. It makes them smart and strong. But if they don’t meet the requirements, they will get consequences. They have to ask for help if they need it, but if they ask their parents and not me, they will get consequences. <br><br>I saw so many students doing the wrong thing because they thought their parents would get mad if they didn’t disobey the teacher. They get in trouble and then they get in more trouble with their parents. They are afraid to disappoint their parents, and that’s understandable, but if they follow the rules and policies, they will be okay. They aren’t in control of their lives. If they get kicked out of school, their parents are the ones who have to deal with it. I know that they get punished by their parents if they get in trouble. That’s why I make sure they have a chance to ask me if they need help. I’m not going to punish a kid for asking for help. I will punish them for not doing their work. <br><br>I teach middle school. I know that they feel they have no control over their lives. I want them to see that if they ask me for help, they will have more control. They will know what’s coming and can prepare. If they get in trouble with their parents, that’s not my problem. I care about my student’s education, not their parents.