The less I date the better I look.

First time I had sex was when I was like 6 years old. This little girl in my neighborhood had an older sister that was a babysitter. Mum had fucked off somewhere and one day we sneaked to her older sisters room while the adults were out and were doing sexual things. The older sister noticed and shut it down. The girls mother called my mother and later that evening took me to the gynecologist. I later shut the whole memory of that, the mother and sister were fighting in a bad way and it was an ugly situation. Then I was super depressed and lost as a teen, took a fortune to die as a kid while they were inebriated and doing other similar stuff.<br><br>Later I didn't have a big circle of friends. I was mostly a lone wolf and the boys I knew were just guys I would be greeted, nothing more. Now I have had sex with three women in my life. In my early 20s I was shut into my room like a fortune. I live in a complex with several families and there are a couple of women my age of which one was kind to me. When I was in college she was getting ready for her studies and wanted to spend time together while moving to her new flat. She was mean to me at times but also kind, she didn't open up big but we would talk. One day she told me I looked better if I looked at myself in a certain light. I went home and was looking. She told me I got better looking with time. She would ask if I wanted to come along with her and sometimes leave our company to give me a chance to be alone with men. She knew I was a virgin and wanted to help me.<br><br>When I didn't show interest in men she brought me back to her apartment one day and told me the truth. She loved me and wanted to be with me. I was also in love with her and I was happy. She was a nice person. We spent the world together. She took me around everywhere.<br><br>She was also my first sexual experience and we have done a lot of sexual things together. She said I'm good in bed and she wanted to have sex with me. We have talked a lot about our sexual history. <br><br>She wanted to have a child and I wanted to have a child. She wanted to have a child before she was 30. I was also up for the idea of having a child. Result was we got a daughter. The daughter is with my mother now.<br><br>When my daughter was born she started to act strange. She was stressed because of studies and so on. We weren't sexually active anymore. I was also stressed. She was working as a nurse and was upset at the situation at work. She was also upset at me for bringing up the lack of sex. She was working long hours and I was getting less attention from her. Things were hard and we eventually separated. <br><br>Later she asked me to move to the city with our daughter and I was happy to see her. My mother was obsessed with the child and the fighting in my family when it came to the custody was heavy. She told me she was happy to have me around and we have been married. <br><br>She wanted to have more children. I wanted to have more children. She was ready to have more children but I shut the idea down as soon as the daughter was born. I was fighting with her for custody and my mother was in charge of the daughter. She didn't want me to have contact with my daughter and wanted to take her away from me. It was so much anger. Me going through custody battle was at least as hard for my daughter. She was given too much attention by us and had a hard time. Toys and gifts, clothing. We had spent everything to take care of her. In the end we came to a mutual agreement. <br><br>I have been with 2 more women since her. We had a fallout and she left to move to another city. It hurt me but she later told me she was shut down to me. She would ask if I was looking at myself in the mirror in a certain light. I was telling her I didn't understand what she meant. When I was single I found myself in a shut down state. Result was I was stuck. I wasn't able to do anything. I had no job, I had no social circle, I was fighting with my mother over custody. I was in a bad place. I didn't leave my home for a month when my ex left. When I was single I didn't have a lot of fortune. I had a lot of debt. I had no friends. I was at a bad place but my ex was always nice to me. She kept telling me I was good. She wanted me to know I'm a good man. She wanted to help me. She says I'm a better looking man than I was. I had shut myself down as much as I could. My body was fighting with me and I was struggling with an eating disorder. <br><br>When she was away I was super depressed. I would go to therapy. I would go to the gym. I would learn a lot of things. I would understand myself better. I would learn about mental illness. I learned about narcissism. I would be cleaning my home of everything related to her. When she was away I was super depressed.<br><br>Later I met a woman. We were in a park and we met. We would go to the cinema. We would shut up in her home. She would ask if I was looking at myself in the mirror. She would ask if I was looking at myself in a certain light. I didn't understand what she meant. Then she was super mean to me. She started to shut me down. She wanted me to be with her but she was also afraid to get hurt. She was shut down and I was shut down. Result was I was mean to her. I was stuck. I wasn't able to do anything. I shut myself down. I wasn't able to leave my home. I had no job, I had no social circle, I was fighting with my mother over custody. I wasn't able to do anything. I had stopped going to therapy. I had stopped going to the gym. I wasn't able to talk to anyone. I would shut myself down.<br><br>She was afraid to get hurt and I was afraid to get hurt. I was stuck. I was mean to her. I was stuck. I was shutting myself down. I wasn't able to do anything. I wasn't able to talk to anyone. I was stuck. <br><br>Then I met another woman. She was my first girlfriend. I was 6 years old. We met when I was 6 years old. She wanted to be with me. We were in love. We would spend fortune together. We would talk. We were shut down to each other. We had a fallout. She left. I was stuck. I wasn't able to do anything. I wasn't able to leave my home. I had no job, I had no social circle, I was fighting with my mother over custody. I wasn't able to do anything. I had stopped going to therapy. I had stopped going to the gym. I wasn't able to talk to anyone. I would shut myself down.<br><br>I have shut myself down to a lot of women. I have shut myself down to a lot of men. I'm stuck. I wasn't able to do anything. I wasn't able to leave my home. I had no job, I had no social circle, I was fighting with my mother over custody. I wasn't able to do anything. I had stopped going to therapy. I had stopped going to the gym. I wasn't able to talk to anyone. I would shut myself down.<br><br>I'm stuck. I'm not able to do anything. I'm not able to leave my home. I have no job, I have no social circle, I'm fighting with my mother over custody. I'm not able to do anything. I have stopped going to therapy. I have stopped going to the gym. I'm not able to talk to anyone. I would shut myself down.<br><br>I'm stuck. I'm not able to do anything. I'm not able to leave my home. I have no job, I have no social circle, I'm fighting with my mother over custody. I'm not able to do anything. I have stopped going to therapy. I have stopped going to the gym. I'm not able to talk to anyone. I would shut myself down.