To those women whose husbands or sons were sexually assaulted, how do you feel about your husband/son’s trauma?

My brother-in-law was sexually assaulted when he was a teenager, and has had problems with mental illness and depression ever since. I’ve never been a part of the victim blaming camp, and I believe that my BIL is just as much a victim of the sexual assault as the person who was sexually assaulted. Recently, I have been seeing a lot of women, mostly trans women, talk about the importance of believing victims, especially victims of sexual assault, and the idea that we should not sympathize with perpetrators, but should instead sympathize with the victim.<br><br>I understand the desire to not sympathize with the perpetrator, but I don’t understand why we should sympathize with the perpetrator. I also don’t understand why we should sympathize with someone who has been victimized, over someone who is actually victimizing people.