My husbands masturbating to my old videos is killing me.

Im 32F, he's 35M. We've been married for 5 years and have been together for about 8 years.<br><br>So this might be too much for this sub or might make some people uncomfortable but here it goes.<br><br>I used to send nudes and videos to my husband when we were still in the dating phase. Sometimes with me masturbating or sometimes just pictures of me topless etc. It was fun and exciting to send them to each other cause we lived further apart from each other. And I always loved the feeling of being desired and wanted by him. He also always told me how much he loved my body and how he couldn't wait to see me naked and in person which always got me so excited.<br><br>Fast forward to now. We still have a pretty good sex life and I've gained some weight. To be fair, he's also gained some weight but still has his six pack. I've lost it though. And I've noticed he's been closing his laptop or phone quickly when I come into the room. At first I thought he was looking at porn but then I really started noticing that he would close his laptop super fast even when he was just browsing reddit or something.<br><br>So I decided to snoop a little bit. And I saw himmasturbating to an "old video of us" as he called it. It was a video I made for him when we were still dating of me just riding a vibe. It was Face down on the bed with my ass facing the camera and I was riding that vibe for like five minutes before I came.<br><br>I felt so ashamed honestly. I asked him if that still turned him on, to which he said of course and pointed out how much he was turned on (I get it). I asked if he does this often cause I've noticed he closes his laptop fast when I come in. He said it's not everyday, but at least 2-3 times a week. I asked if it's weird for me to feel like he's cheating on me, which he said no but also said it's kind of embarrassing for him which is why he doesn't tell me. <br><br>I let it go, and things went back to "normal". But the same thing happened again when I got back from a night out at the bar. He was sitting on the couch with the tv on, riding a vibe and watching that same video of me. I confronted him about it again, asking if he still finds me attractive in person, to which he said of course. I told him I understand that he watches porn when I'm not around and that's totally fine. To which he said it's not porn, it's you, your body and it's still so hot. I told him I feel so ashamed of my body cause I know I don't look like I did when we first met. He said I don't need to feel ashamed, he loves me no matter what and that im still smoking hot. I told him I feel like he's cheating on me and he said it's not cheating, it's just a video of us. I told him that's embarrassing for me and I don't want to feel like I need to look like I was 27 again for him to be turned on by me. He apologized and said he'd delete the videos, but will probably still look at porn. I said okay and that's that.<br><br>But I still feel bad and like he's cheating on me. What should I do?<br><br>Edit:<br><br>I took everyone's advice and talked to my husband about it tonight when we were both calm. I explained how I really felt and what I wanted to happen. I also offered to send new pictures and videos, which we have already started doing. I also told him to please not hide it from me anymore. I told him it's embarrassing to me that he still gets off to my 27 year old body instead of my 32 year old one but I get he's just being nostalgic which is fine. I told him I would be more comfortable with it if he would allow me to watch him, which he said hes not really comfortable with. He said hes okay with me watching porn but the idea of watching him makes him uncomfortable and embarrassed.<br><br>He agreed to be more open and transparent with me. He apologized and said he didn't know it was making me feel this way and if he could go back he would tell me about it. He said it's not the same as watching porn cause I'm his wife and it feels better knowing hes watching his wife and not some random porn star masturbating. I understand that now and I'm okay with it. I told him I want him to feel comfortable telling me about anything and I want us to both feel like we can talk to each other about anything. He agreed and said he'll tell me from now on.<br><br>So, I think things are okay now. Thanks to everyone who gave advice.