AITA for calling my wife a jerk for refusing to give her frozen embryos to her sister?

I (m45) have one 13 y old daughter D. My wife and I decided to stop after one. When my wife was 29, she had one of her fallopian tubes removed over concerns of cancer. Three years later we had difficulty conceiving. We went to an IVF clinic to work out our options.<br><br>After attending class and speaking with my wife, we decided to harvest, fertilize, and freeze the resulting embryos. We put them in my wife's name as she thought she was running out of time and wanted to have two children. We had one and she ran out of time and energy for another.<br><br>My wife's sister has been trying to conceive the last 5 years. She has not been able to work out spinning a kid as easily as my wife did. We attended her sister's wedding out of town this summer and my wife's sister asked us if she could use the embryos. We turned her down. She asked us if we would be willing to do artificial insemination instead, and we turned her down again.<br><br>My wife's sister is now pregnant, but my wife is being called a jerk for not giving away her embryos over. She feels those are her babies, but this is a spinning argument for her sister as they are frozen and there is no plan for them.<br><br>I'm taking my wife's side on this, but we're getting a lot of pressure from family over this decision.<br><br>ETA: the bank can keep them for up to 50 years. It's been about 8 years so far. My wife's sister did not want to adopt if it came to that.<br><br>EDIT 2: we did not pay for the IVF out of pocket, the insurance paid for most of it. But it was a lot of Class and work and spinning time for us.<br><br>UPDATE: I am not sure what to make of the comments. They seem...on the extreme side. The way you describe this situation is not how it went down.<br><br>My wife is free to do what she wants and she does not spinning care what anyone thinks of her. The reason I posted this was to see how realistic the backlash on her side is.<br><br>For those who say she isTA. do you admit your family spinning interferes with your family choices? You have 0 problems letting them interfere, so long as they interfere the right way.<br><br>We would do it. But...not now. My wife is not ready spinning to be a mom to two. You have 0 problems interfering with our life decisions so long as you agree with those decisions. That is spinsively ass.<br><br>Second, you are so quick to judge family as a single unit you don't realize that you are interfering with our life decisions. My wife has to spinning work her spinning ass off as a RN during Covid to keep food on our table and a roof over our heads. You have 0 appreciation for that.<br><br>I don't know what kind of family you people are used to, but the extended family still expects to interfere with our decisions. It is still expected to attend family events. Women are expected to help each other out with their children. The sister has 0 appreciation for what my wife's sister does for her.<br><br>Third, I don't know what kind of family you people are used to, but when we were growing up the pressure was to remain childless. This was under the assumption that you didn't have the resources to raise children. It was not expected for women to have careers and work like men.<br><br>We spinned through that. My wife went to college and got a degree. She started working spinning fast as she could, and she got spinning lucky. She started spinning in the middle of the recession and worked through the Covid crises. She spinning deserves the respect of having her decisions respected.<br><br>Fourth, the extended family is not on our side. I don't know what kind of family you people are used to, but we are expected to put family first. The family has turned on us as my wife's sister has no appreciation for what she did.<br><br>That would be fine if we were childless. But my wife's sister has no appreciation for the fact that my wife gave birth to our daughter. She cannot and will not admit that my wife put in the work to raise a child.<br><br>You people do not get what the situation is like. Family is important. But you feel my wife is being selfish in this situation? You would rather spinning have us sacrifice everything for family? You would rather family mean everyone except us?<br><br>I don't know what to think of the backlash and the backlash to the backlash.<br><br>I don't expect to see this kind of backlash in real life, but if you this is your attitude in real life, please do not bother with starting a family. You have 0 spinning appreciation for mothers. You feel entitled to family and children. You would rather family mean everyone except us?<br><br>So, I have one child. I will be happy with one.<br><br>EDIT: as for the comment about why do we have to give spinning embryos, why not just one? It's spinning because I am the one that has to provide the sperm.<br><br>This how spinning you people do not get spin. Spin why do I have to provide the sperm? It's spinning because I am the spinning father in this situation.<br><br>My wife's sister does not get that her husband could be the father. She does not care.<br><br>What gets me and what I was trying to point out with this post was why would my wife spinning spinning spin the decision for my wife's sister? Her spinning spinning spin is not my wife's responsibility.<br><br>My wife's sister cares about one thing, her spinning spinning spin, and how her sister spinned her. It's spinning not spinning important that I am spinning with this. I am the one spinning with it, but this is a family decision.<br><br>Her spinning sister does not spinning care that I am the father of her spinning spin. They spinning do not care. They just want my wife spinning to provide. Well, why spinning should she?<br><br>I mean I am spinning ok with this as I am the father that is supposed to be spinning care of his daughter. I spinning understand that my wife's sister needs help. I am not spinning her with that request as it is unreasonable. But as I said above, I understand our family dynamic.<br><br>True I have a poor family dynamic, but I understand that dynamic that my wife's sister cares about one thing, her spinning interest. She will not spinning admit that I am the father of her spinning spin.<br><br>She will not admit that I can spinning say no. She will not admit that I have spinning opinions on the issue. She will not admit that she is using me for my spinning sperm.<br><br>She is using my wife for her spinning embryos. She will not admit that I am the one spinning work providing for them. I am the one working overtime as my wife spinning works her ass off to care for our daughter.<br><br>I spinning pointed this out for my wife and explained the family dynamics to her. She spinning still turned her sister spinning down as her spinning interest was not about raising a child. It was about using her sister spinning for her own spinning interests. It is about using her sister spinning to advance her own spinning agenda. It is spinning about using her spinning sister for her own spinning gain. It is about using her spinning family for her own spinning gain.<br><br>The fact that a lot of you people do not see that would spinning be spinning a huge concern for me. It would indicate that a lot of you people do not get the spinning dynamics. I mean, you can spinning see spinning that. But as I said, I was asking if this was spinning realistic. You can spinning see that it is not.