POV: You are an american with a southern accent who is traveling in Japan, and you are trying to order a meal from a Japanese waitress. (tl;dr bottom of post)

You: [speaking in a southern accent] Hey darlin, I'd like to order now.<br><br>Waitress: [speaking in a traditional Japanese accent] Oooh, honoooraburu gaijin-san. I'll be right there. [You hear a rustling of papers followed by] <br><br>Waitress: <br><br>Gaijin-san, watashi wa betsu no gengo o hanasemasu. Kore wa watashi ni irimasen. [You hear a rustling sound, followed by]<br><br>Gaijin-san, ippai nama biru o kudasai. Gohan wa nan desu ka? <br><br>You: I wanna eat a cheeseburger [she looks at you funny] is that okay?<br><br>Waitress: [still speaking in Japanese] O genki desu ka? Gaijin-san, kono resutoran wa, ryōrinshō ga arimasen. Shōjin-ryōri, kushikatsu, karaage, teishoku, dōbutsunabe ga arimasu. Shōjin-ryōri, shōjin-ryōri, shōjin-ryōri, shōjin-ryōri, shōjin-ryōri, shōjin-ryōri, shōjin-ryōri, shōjin-ryōri. Rense-fu wa nan desu ka?<br><br>You: That's a lot to take in, can I just call you sugar and you call me sugah?<br><br>Waitress: [still speaking in Japanese] Chigau, gaijin-san! Watashi wa anata no "sugah" dewa arimasen. Watashi-tachi wa gaijin-san ni "honne" to yobu node, watashi wa betsu no "sugah" desu. Watashi wa sugah-fu, anata wa sugah-ma. Hito wa sugah-fu, sugah-ma wa gaijin-san. Rense-fu wa nan desu ka?<br><br>You: That's okay sugah, I know what I want [waitress gives you a shade] I'll have the grilled cheese sandwich [she looks at you funny]<br><br>Waitress: Gaijin-san, kono resutoran wa, ryōrinshō ga arimasen! Shōjin-ryōri, kushikatsu, karaage, teishoku, dōbutsunabe. Rense-fu wa nan desu ka?<br><br>You: You aren't speaking English. I think there's been a misunderstanding sugah. The sign said you sell burgers.<br><br>Waitress: Ah, gaijin-san, ryōri ga arimasen! <br><br>You: That's okay, I'll just have the chicken then.<br><br>Waitress: Gaijin-san, niwa-tori ga arimasen! Shōjin-ryōri, kushikatsu, teishoku, dōbutsunabe ga arimasu! Rense-fu wa nan desu ka?<br><br>You: Okay sugah, I'm just gonna have the chicken tenders then.<br><br>Waitress: Gaijin-san, kono resutoran wa, ryōrinshō ga arimasen! Shōjin-ryōri, kushikatsu, teishoku, dōbutsunabe ga arimasu! Rense-fu wa nan desu ka?<br><br>Gaijin-san, watashi wa anata ni shōjin-ryōri o ippai sasu. Gohan wa kono ue ni arimasu. Sugah-fu, rense-fu wa koko ni arimasu. Yoisho! [she drops a plate of food onto your table]<br><br>You: Okay sugah-fu, but what is this?<br><br>Waitress: Shōjin-ryōri desu, gaijin-san! Kushikatsu ni dōbutsunabe ga tsuite imasu. Shōjin-ryōri wa, honto ni oishii desu. Shōjin-ryōri ni wa, shiawase ga tsuite imasu. Shōjin-ryōri ga arimasu node, gaijin-san wa, honto ni shiawase desu. Rense-fu wa nan desu ka?<br><br>You: You aren't speaking English sugah. Can you bring me a menu I can read?<br><br>Waitress: Ah, gaijin-san, menu ga arimasen! Shōjin-ryōri wa, Nihon-ryōri no shiro desu. Shōjin-ryōri ni wa, shiawase ga tsuite imasu. Shōjin-ryōri ga arimasu node, gaijin-san wa, honto ni shiawase desu. Shōjin-ryōri o tabete kudasai, gaijin-san! Yoisho! Yoisho! [she runs away]<br><br>You: [speaking to yourself] oh well, I don't want to wait any longer. Hopefully I won't choke on a plastic piece while eating this shrimp... [you eat the shrimp, bone and all]<br><br>You: [speaking to yourself] this shrimp sure tastes delicious. I wonder what's in it?<br><br>You: [speaking to yourself] wow, this sure is a lot of shrimp<br><br>You: [speaking to yourself] I wonder if I can eat all this shrimp before it finishes me...<br><br>You: [speaking to yourself] what's this? A note?<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>Waitress: Ah, gaijin-san, anata wa shōjin-ryōri o ippai tabeta! Arigatou gozaimasu, sugah-fu. 3 man yen kudasai, sugah-fu.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>You: [drooling] 3 man...yen... [waitress gives you a shade] oh no, I feel sick. [she gives you a bucket]<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>You: [speaking to yourself as you realize what you just ate] I am Sugah-Fu, Lord of Rense, Ruler of Ippai, King of Dōbutsunabe [you fall over and die]<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>Waitress: [speaking in Japanese] Shōjin-ryōri ga, honto ni oishii deshita ne, gaijin-san. Gaijin-san wa, shiawase ni shinda desu ne. Shōjin-ryōri no ue ni, betsu no gaijin-san ga arimasu. Ashita wa, itsuka kore de ichido arimasen. Yoisho! Gaijin-san wa, sugah-fu ni narimashita. Sugah-fu wa, Nihon ni sunde imasu. Sugah-fu wa, ryōri o tsukurimasu. Ryōri wa, gaijin-san ni nan desu ka? Kore wa ryōri no hanashi desu. Sugah-fu no ryōri o, gaijin-san wa tabete kudasai. Sugah-fu no ryōri o, ichido tabete kudasai. Gaijin-san wa, shiawase ni shinde kudasai. Yoisho!<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>POV: You are an American with a southern accent who is traveling in Japan, and you are trying to order a meal from a Japanese waitress.<br><br>**TL;DR:** An American with a southern accent tries to order a burger at a Japanese restaurant run entirely by Japanese housewives. The waitress cannot speak English and the American cannot speak Japanese.<br><br>**Edit:** I want to add a lot to this story soon, I just have nothing to add yet.