My [33M] wife [34F] became besties with my brothers [35M] ex fiancée [34F]. How do I make it stop?

I need to remain vague as I don’t want anyone to know my identity. This is a long post, but there’s a lot to say so I hope you’re ready for this, and sorry ahead of time if it’s confusing, it’s a weird situation. <br><br>My wife and I have been together for 13 years, and married for 8 of those years. We have one child, a 5 year old girl, and currently, I am a stay at home dad.<br><br>My brother and I are Irish twins. I’m just under 2 years older than him. His ex fiance, I will call Aisling for the sake of the story, was his girlfriend for 8 years. They were together for just as long as my wife and I have been together, and we were all really good friends.<br><br>They got engaged 3 years ago, and bought a house. My brother was there for Aisling and took care of her, but ultimately cheated on her a year ago. She found out, and ended their engagement. My brother didn’t contest, and he moved out. I never really knew if he even was sorry for what he did or not. <br><br>He ultimately blamed all of this on me. He said that he was so jealous of how I had it all together, a beautiful smart wife, a beautiful daughter, a great career, a big house, etc. He said that he was furious that I had it all while he was stuck working at the same job he’d been at his whole life, and struggling to get by. He said he ended up cheating because of me. That Aisling and him were on the rocks and she didn’t want to have sex with him, and he got jealous seeing how affectionate I was with my wife, and wanted that too.<br><br>He said that Aisling never had that desire for him anymore, whereas my wife always wants to have sex with me. So he went out and had sex with other women. He said he was doing it because I had everything he wanted and he didn’t want to be in a sexless marriage. I argued that him cheating was not on me, but on him for not communicating effectively. That maybe Aisling was upset for good reasons. He became defensive and blamed me. <br><br>The family was shocked, and some blamed me, others blamed him, some blamed Aisling. I felt awful for a long while because I thought, maybe this is actually my fault. Maybe what he says is true. I started to get insecure and it made my marriage suffer. I argued with my wife over nothing. I eventually went to therapy, and that helped a lot. I communicated with my wife and she told me she had no idea it was going on, and my brother was to blame. Not me.<br><br>As for my brother and Aisling, they both moved on. My brother is engaged to someone else, and Aisling is in a new relationship. My brother and his new fiance are getting married next year, and Aisling won’t be attending. So that’s some good background information.<br><br>So my wife and I are doing well again, my brother and I are doing just okay, and Aisling and I decided to remain friends. We were all friends before so there was no reason for me not to be. <br><br>Aisling and my wife have become very close. They’ve met for lunch a couple of times, but the problem I have is that they’ve been texting nonstop, and I’m not sure what to do about it. <br><br>Last weekend, my wife and I were at a bar with my wife’s girlfriends and their husbands. We were just chilling, and having a drink, and Aisling happened to be there too, with her boyfriend. My wife was excited to see her, and I thought that was fine. No big deal right? <br><br>Well Aisling and my wife spent the rest of the night talking to each other. I think they had 3 or 4 drinks together. I asked if she wanted to come back over to our conversation, and she said no. Then her and Aisling went to the bar and spent an hour talking. I didn’t see her again until the night was over and we were leaving.<br><br>When we got home, I asked if everything was okay. She said of course it’s fine, I was just catching up with an old friend. I told her she spent a long time talking to Aisling, and it was annoying. My wife got mad and said why does it matter if I spend time talking to her? I said I guess it doesn’t, but I just don’t see why she needs to spend so much time with her, and why they text each other everyday. <br><br>My wife told me that she knew I was still jealous of the situation with my brother, and that it had nothing to do with her friendship. She said they’d been texting nonstop because Aisling is trying to get over my brother, and my wife was helping her. <br><br>When I came home from work today, my wife was in the backyard with Aisling. Aisling was doing her makeup, and my wife was getting her hair done. Aisling had a condom in her purse. I don’t know what to do about this. I don’t get why Aisling is at my house. I don’t get why my wife is doing her hair and makeup. Why does Aisling have condoms in her purse? I asked my wife what they were doing, and Aisling sheepishly said she had a date. <br><br>I said nothing else to my wife about it. I just went inside. I don’t know what to make of this, and how to feel. It just seems so odd that my wife and Aisling have such a good friendship with how complicated it is. So now I finally decided to ask for help. <br><br>How can I approach my wife about this? It’s been a recurring theme, and I’m tired of it. I told her I was annoyed, and she didn’t seem to care. I’m worried that Aisling is just trying to punish my brother, or just trying to be spiteful or something. And how do I express this concern without sounding like I’m blaming Aisling?<br><br>I don’t want to be in a situation where Aisling is trying to get back at my brother through my wife. I don’t want my wife to be influenced by Aisling.<br><br>What should I do?<br><br>TLDR: My wife is besties with my brother’s ex<br><br>EDIT: Okay first I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read this post. I know it’s long, and annoying, and I’m sorry for that. Second, I want to say I appreciate the constructive comments, and I will go over them. I don’t have time right now to respond to everyone. But I will say I understand how what I did was wrong, and I am sorry for that. That was not okay, especially given everything that happened.<br><br>As for my wife and Aisling, I am not sure. My wife is out at the birthday party, but I did text her and let her know how I felt. <br><br>For the people telling me to grow up, and get a life, I’m not sure what you want me to say. We all get insecure sometimes, and I think that’s okay as long as you don’t act on it. I did, but I am sorry for that. I will work on it.<br><br>For the people who think Aisling is trying to get back with my brother, that’s not the case. She’s in a new relationship.<br><br>There’s a lot more to the story that I didn’t include, but maybe I will update you all in the future. <br><br>Again, thank you so much for your advice, and I appreciate you taking the time to read this post.<br><br>EDIT 2: I just got a call from my wife saying she couldn’t make it to the party, and she’s coming home. <br><br>I’m going to apologize, and she can obviously stay if she wants. I just didn’t want to keep this weird feeling inside.<br><br>I will update you all in the morning or later tonight.<br><br>Thank you all again for your advice.