AITA for telling everyone three weeks before my wedding that they’re all uninvited?

Quick backstory before I get into the details: I (f26) have a big family. I have 15 aunts and uncles, and some of them had multiple marriages, so when I count all the steps, there’s like, 20 couples or so, plus their kids (I have 50 cousins) and grandkids (I have 35 second cousins). And most of them live within an hour, hour and a half of our house, so we always had a lot of family events that were very well attended. My fiancé’s family is the complete opposite- he has 2 cousins and no second cousins.<br><br>When my fiancé and I started talking about our wedding, I said it would be amazing to have it in this really cool historic mansion that was built in the 1700’s. It’s so beautiful, it looks like one of those houses in Virginia or something. The only downside is that they don’t really do big weddings, their capacity is 60 because they want to keep things intimate and make sure the house isn’t damaged. My fiancé loved the idea of having a small wedding at the mansion, but my family was shocked. How could I possibly not invite them? What would I even tell them? They’d never understand, etc. I said I would understand if it was a normal wedding like at a country club or something, but when you have the opportunity to get married in a centuries-old mansion, you take it. My parents thought I was just saying that to get out of inviting my family, but my fiancé said it really didn’t bother him at all. In the end, we decided to invite my parents and three brides (two sisters, one cousin). We decided to just tell everyone else we weren’t inviting that we weren’t doing a big reception, just something with the bridal party and we’d do a photoshoot to get pics with them. We also said we weren’t inviting the kids to preserve the intimate atmosphere and the house. It was a complete lie, but because of the capacity, we had to either cut out my family, or his parents and siblings, and since we don’t live near them, we had to prioritize them.<br><br>We didn’t tell anyone where we were actually having the wedding, they all just knew it was “a venue that can’t accommodate everyone”. We rented a private room at a nice restaurant for everyone who wasn’t invited so they could watch the livestream and celebrate together. We only told my parents and the three brides about the actual venue, and they loved the idea when they saw pics of the mansion.<br><br>Three weeks ago, my cousin got married and the wedding was huge. All three brides were in the wedding party, and we were all hanging out together at the reception when my cousin came up and asked why I wasn’t wearing the dress we’d agreed on. I said, “What? You know I’m not in the wedding party.” She said, “Oh, so you’re backing out with the bridesmaid dresses? Finally, we don’t have to worry about paying for four hydraulic lifts to get you as high as the rest of us!” (I’m 5’11” and all three brides are at least 5’9”).<br><br>One of the three brides said, “Yeah, what are you going to wear if you’re still a bridesmaid?” I said, “I’m not a bridesmaid. I thought you knew because I’m getting married first.”<br><br>She said, “That makes sense because we definitely didn’t invite you to be bridesmaids. But what’s going on? We said we weren’t going to get married until we were in our 30’s and we wanted to settle down and be more financially stable. And we agreed that we wouldn’t get married until all of us were engaged because we wanted to share the experience.”<br><br>I said, “I know, that’s why when my boyfriend proposed, I called you guys first and asked if you’d be bridesmaids if we got married.”<br><br>The three brides looked at each other and said, “We have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t have a boyfriend.”<br><br>I said, “I’m getting married in three weeks.”<br><br>They said, “To who?”<br><br>I said, “My fiancé.”<br><br>They said, “Who’s that?”<br><br>I said, “You guys met him at my birthday party four years ago.”<br><br>That’s when my cousin cut in and said, “Wait, so you and James are still together?”<br><br>I said, “Yeah, we’re getting married.”<br><br>My cousin said, “I haven’t met him, and neither have these three. We thought you were just dating him casually and he was one of your scumbag boyfriends.”<br><br>I said, “No, James isn’t like that. He’s an amazing person.”<br><br>She said, “If he was, you’d have invited us to your wedding.”<br><br>I said, “I’m inviting all of you. There’s going to be a livestream at a restaurant, and we’ll be doing a photoshoot-“<br><br>She cut me off and said, “Then why did we have to be bridesmaids three weeks before your wedding?”<br><br>I was shocked that they’d agreed to this without knowing what was going on with my wedding, so I asked them wtf they thought they were doing. They said that my mom had approached them at Easter and said, “I know we always talked about the four of you being bridesmaids, and I thought that ship had sailed, so if you guys are interested, you can be in Bridget’s wedding.” They thought the four of us would be sharing the experience and getting married together, and my mom knew that. But she did it anyway because she wanted bridesmaids at my wedding.<br><br>I was like, “So you have no idea what my wedding is like? Where it is? What my dress looks like? You didn’t even know who I was marrying?”<br><br>They said no, but they were just happy to be sharing the experience. They said they’d gotten their bras welded into their dresses, gotten their hair and lashes done, and were traveling in for the wedding, and I’d never even told them about my fiancé or what our plans were? I was really pissed and I’m rarely confrontational, but I went up to my mom and said, “How could you do this to me and the brides? They thought we were all sharing the experience and getting married together. They said they were never going to get married until all of us were engaged, and you ruined that for them.”<br><br>She said, “But you were going to be bridesmaids together.”<br><br>I said, “I was never going to be a bridesmaid. And you lied to them about me wanting them to be bridesmaids. You did it so you could get the traditional family wedding you wanted.”<br><br>She said, “Well I just wanted to get a few photos with the bridesmaids and have the traditional stuff at your wedding, and I didn’t want to disappoint you so I asked them and-“<br><br>I cut her off and said, “I’m not having a traditional wedding. And you knew that.”<br><br>She said, “I just wanted-“<br><br>I cut her off again and said, “I’m not going to stand here and let you try to justify what you did. What you did was so wrong and it messed with me and the brides and our relationship. And it was completely selfish. I don’t want you there anyway, so everyone’s uninvited. The livestream at the restaurant is still on, and if people want to go, they can go and watch it there or do it at home. But none of you are invited and you will not be getting photos with anyone associated with my wedding.”<br><br>She said, “That’s not fair at all. You’re getting married. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and you’re ruining it for us.”<br><br>I said, “You have 50 cousins and 35 second cousins. If you wanted a big family wedding so bad, you should have done it for one of them. But you didn’t. You decided to do it for me, and now you’re calling me selfish for not wanting to share this experience with all of you? You’re not sorry. You’d do it again in a second.”<br><br>And that’s when my aunt grabbed me and said, “You need to get out of here. Your cousins and I are going to try and fix this bridesmaid situation with your mom.”<br><br>It’s been three weeks and I haven’t heard a word. No one has even tried to reach out to me, and my fiancé and I got married a day ago and no one said anything to us. I’m worried that I might have overreacted here and ruined my relationship with my family, even though I don’t think what my mom did was ok. But I’m still going to have to fix it at some point, and I have no idea where to start.