My dad was a meth addict

If you know a drug addict, whether it be your friends, family member, parents or whoever, just know this was written for them. I don't know why he started doing meth. I was too young to remember. I do remember the day he got locked up was my 7th birthday. He came to the jail to see me on my 8th. I didn't see him again until I was 16. He died of a heart attack at age 40 when I was 16 as well. I remember the day he died. I was standing outside the hospital when my mom told me. My dad was in a coma. He never came out of it. I remember hearing them say he had a heart attack and kidney failure and that's what caused his death. I was standing outside the hospital at night, winds blowing, and it was cold. I didn't cry though, I had given up on him. I was done. I didn't care if he died. I didn't care if he lived. All I knew was that I would never see my dad again. And that hurt. That hurt a lot. Fast forward to today. 32 years old. It still hurts. It always will. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. But it still hurts. I can't be mad at him. He's dead. But I can be mad at the addiction. I hate the addiction. It took everything from me. It stole my whole childhood, relationship and life with my dad. It stole my innocence. It took my family. It took my friends away. It destroyed my neighborhood. It took away what I could have had. And I can't get it back. Nothing will ever give me that back. No matter how hard I try. Nothing will ever give me my childhood back. Nothing. But I can try. I help people that are addicted. I am a nurse. I've worked in the ER, on the floor, in home health, and in hospitals. And I've worked with drug addicts. I've worked with alcoholics. I've worked with people who have been deemed "bad people" by today's society. And you know what?? I love them. I love them because they're human. And I want everyone else to love and accept them for the same reason. I want to share a little story of what I've been through. I was in my residency and I had a patient I'll call Sam. Sam was a 19 year old female who was brought into the ICU for an overdose. She never gained consciousness while she was there. She was intubated and on dialysis. She destroyed both kidneys and her heart was barely working. She was in a coma when she was brought in. I worked my 12 hour shifts while she was there. She was a DNR, meaning she was do not resuscitate if anything happened. She died three days later. Three days that I spent with. She never regained consciousness. I watched her die. And she had nothing wrong with her. Nothing. But she was an addict. Now, I know what you're thinking. "fuck addicts, they're the scum of the earth. They're bad people." But they're not. They're addicted. They're struggling. They need help. They need support. They need love. And they need understanding. They need all of us to open our hearts to them. They need us to accept them. They need us to help them. I know a few people who are addicts. One I'll call Chewie. He's a great guy. He's on methadone. He has a wife and two kids. He works. He's a productive member of society. But he's an addict. He takes his medicine every day. He's been sober from drugs for almost 5 years now. He's a father and a husband and a friend. He's not a piece of shit. He's not a loser. He's not an idiot. He's a human being. And he deserves love and empathy and kindness and compassion. He deserves your love. We all deserve love. Every single one of us. And I want you to remember that. I'm not mad at my dad. I love him. I'm mad at the addiction. And I want to help him. I want to help others. And you should too. I want anyone who struggles with addiction to know this: I love you. I care about you. I accept you. And I want you to know that. I want you to know that nobody hates you. Nobody thinks you're beneath them. Nobody cares that you're an addict. Nobody. You are loved. You are important. You are appreciated. And you are valued. Don't think otherwise. I love my dad with all my heart. I always will. And I want all my dads and dads to be out there who struggle with addiction to know that there's people out there like me that love you. I love you. We all love you. Now, on to the actual story, you can stop here if you want: As a child, growing up in the projects without a father wasn't easy. But it's even harder when everyone matters except for you. I remember as a kid, no one cared what I ate. No one cared if I had clothes. No one cared if I had food. No one cared if I had a birthday party. They just didn't. They cared about themselves. They cared about their addiction. They cared about their next high. And they cared about nothing else. They would rather get high than feed you. They would rather get high than buy you clothes. They would rather get high than go to your school event. They would rather get high than be there for you. I remember being without food for a whole week. No one cared about me. They only cared about getting high. And most of the time they didn't get high. They just cared about getting high. And they would rather sit around the house and try to figure out how to get high than actually get high. Meetings, parties, gatherings, all to get high or obtain drugs. They didn't care about me. They didn't care if I had anything to eat. They didn't care if I wore the same clothes to school every day. They didn't care if I had shoes. They didn't care about anything but getting high. They didn't care about anything except for the addiction. They loved the addiction more than they loved me. They loved the addiction more than they loved themselves. They loved the addiction more than they loved their own families. They loved the addiction more than they loved anything. I remember walking miles every day to school. In the heat, in the cold, in the rain, in the snow. I didn't have a coat. I didn't have shoes. I didn't have socks. I didn't have a lunch. I didn't have a breakfast. I didn't have a dinner. I didn't have a family. I didn't have love. I didn't have friends. And I didn't have a childhood. I didn't have love from my family. I didn't have care. I just didn't have anything. And I didn't except it. I didn't know any better. I didn't know how it felt to be loved. I didn't know what if felt like to care for someone. I didn't know what if felt like to be cared for. I didn't know what it felt like to have a family. I just didn't know. And I didn't care. I didn't care about anything but food. I didn't care about anything except for clothes. I didn't care about anything except for love. But I never got it. So I did whatever I could to get it. I did whatever I could to survive. And whatever it took, I did it. I lied. I stole. I cheated. I fought. I did whatever it took to survive. And you know what?? I survived. I survived the cold nights on the street. I survived the hot days without water. I survived the times when all I had to eat was ketchup packets. I survived the times when I had to steal a lunch so I could eat something. I survived the times when I had to fight to walk home. I survived it all. I survived my childhood. I survived being a kid. I survived everything that life threw my way. And I survived the addiction. I survived their addiction. And you know what?? I hate them for it. I hate them for being addicts. I hate them for being weak. I hate them for being losers. I hate them for being pieces of shit. I hate them for everything that they did. I hate them for everything that they didn't do. But most of all, I hate them for their addiction. I hate them for the addiction. I hate them because of what they did to me. And most of all, I hate them because they stole my childhood. You know what?? FUCK ADDICTION. FUCK DRUGS. FUCK ALCOHOL. FUCK DRUG ADDICTS. FUCK ALCOHOLICS. And FUCK EVERYTHING THAT THEY DO. I hate them. I hate them all. I hate how they've fucked up my life and how they've stole my childhood. And I hate them for taking my dad away from me. I hate them for taking everything from me. I hate them for being weak. And I hate them for being losers. You know what?? I don't want anyone else to go through the same thing I did. I don't want anyone to have their childhood destroyed. I don't want anyone to have their family destroyed. I don't want anyone else to have their lives destroyed. But

My dad was a meth addict

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