I'm sorry to tell you this... but I think I'm finally over my sibling crush

I've been in love with my sister for about 12 years. I've known that incest is legal in some places but illegal in most and its a social faux pas so I never had any hope of us being together. I thought I would spend my whole life secretly harbouring some feelings for her. I thought I'd die lonely to be honest with you. I'd resigned myself to the fact and was learning to let go, I'm not too sure what I'd learned to do to let go but thanks for the helpful comments.<br><br>My sister and her husband are a lovely couple and they have recently been trying for a baby. I think she's pregnant too by the way, but she hasn't said so I don't know.<br><br>These last few weeks, I've been just watching them be a couple and its given me the perspective I needed to let go. Watching them has been really beautiful and I know my love for her is not like theirs, I've been thinking about that a lot. I know that I've never wanted her like they do each other. I know that I've only really wanted to be with her. I know that I need to leave her alone.<br><br>I've needed her my whole life, but I think I'm not so needy now. I've never hated her. I've always wanted us to be happy. I think she knows I'm not so needy now too. I think we both know I may never be happy.<br><br>I don't know if I'll ever be whole. I don't know if my love for her will ever truly die. I think its stopped burning though. I'm not going to lie about that to myself anymore, I'm not going to lie about anything else anymore either. I've never wanted her to be with me, I've just never wanted her to go. Every time we're close, she leaves me and theres nothing I can do to make her stay. Theres nothing I can do to keep her here. I think I'm finally understanding that.<br><br>Maybe when she dies, I'll be happy. I think my love for her will finally die then. I'll never have to let her go again. I'll never have to live without her. I'll never have to know if shes happy, and her happiness won't matter anymore. I'll never have to know if shes okay, I won't have to miss her, I wont have to keep her to myself. I'll never have to pretend that shes not my only friend. I'll never have to let her go again, I'll never have to keep her to myself again. I'll never have to pretend I'm fine. I'll never have to pretend I'm not in love with her again.<br><br>I've needed her my whole life, but I think I'm not so needy now.