No Bullshit: Why are men so obsessed with traditional masculinity?

I can see how unpopular I'll be for asking but I'm not trolling. I'm serious. I can only speak from my own experience, but I just (and I've always) felt so betrayed. So cheated. So wronged by our modern world and the American Dream. I'm almost 28 and I still have no basic sense of security or agency. I can't afford a place to live. I can't (and almost certainly won't) afford a car. I need my credit card in case of an emergency, because I have little savings. I had to take out loans just to be able to attend (and barely graduate) college. I still make only $15 an hour. I've had to work since I was 15 to survive. I've worked 60 hour weeks and had to choose between my dignity and homelessness. I almost got fired for publicly saying I wasn't going to donate my organs, because I'm sickened by the amount of death and exploitation there is in modern capitalism. I was sexually assaulted by a girlfriend who related our sex lives to her self esteem. I got dumped by another for being "boring" because I didn't have a notch on my belt. I was physically assaulted for trying to break up a fight and was told I was a "bitch" for not fighting back. I was kicked out of my house (along with my entire family) at 19 for being a "deadbeat" because I couldn't get a job fast enough for my dad. I almost got fired for being late and too tired and dazed from working almost 60 hours a week. I've been insulted and frowned upon for not having kids or a wife at my age, for missing the milestones and responsibilities of manhood. I've had to lose count of how many times I've been called a "boy" by women and even my own mom, because I still live at home.<br><br>It's almost like men are forced into these roles of expendability. Here are some examples of that, from my own life. <br><br>Our first president owned slaves AND CHOPPED DOWN A CHERRY TREE, AND HE'S STILL PRAISED TO THIS DAY. What. The. Actual. Fuck. People even laugh off Christopher Columbus as a brutal warlord. We're supposed to appreciate "irony" now? This is the world we live in, one of cognitive dissonance and blind nationalism (along with other blind ideologies). America is so flawed even our Founding Fathers were brutal oppressors. We're supposed to appreciate that?<br><br>All the world's wars were fought and died for by men, and the war never ends. There will always be war. There will always be men to die for freedom. There will always be dominance hierarchies, and masculinity is not about being strong in the mind, or the heart. It's about having a strong body, and using it to hurt (and sometimes protect) others. <br><br>The first thing my dad said in front of my entire family when I came out as gay (I'm no longer gay, thankfully) was: "how did we raise such a fucking pussy?" I was 13 years old. My mom even said something along the lines of "maybe he's just confused?". No one supported me, no one even cared about me. My family just called me a "girl" and a "pussy". That's the word you use for it. Gays are pussies. Women are pussies. Weak men are pussies. <br><br>Fast forward to age 19. I'm a young adult, working 60 hours a week at my first real job. I'm a male living in a patriarchic society and I have to choose between my dignity and homelessness, because if I can't pay rent I will (and have) literally been kicked out onto the streets without a care in the world. I remember having to go on Craigslist to find roommates because I couldn't afford my own place. It was the 2nd most dehumanizing thing I've gone through.<br><br>I had to choose between dignity and homelessness. I had to choose between a home and a haircut. I had to choose between a home and a car. I've had to choose between a home and being able to socialize. I've had to choose between a home and a girlfriend. I've had to choose between food and being able to sleep in. I've had to choose between a (normal) social life and being able to work 60 hours a week.<br><br>I was so exhausted all the time I was numb. I couldn't think of anything but going home and sleeping. It was the only thing that mattered to me anymore. I couldn't even bring myself to watch a movie, it was just pointless. There was no point in anything. I was just a breathing, walking doll. I had no purpose, no meaning. I had to work until I couldn't move. Until it hurt to watch too long and stand too long, because I was a spineless, useless coward afraid to be homeless. I had to endure this for years, almost a decade. <br><br>I was in so much pain and stress. I didn't know why I was hurting so much. I just wanted to go home and sleep forever. But I couldn't, because if I didn't work 60 hours a week, I'd be homeless and without dignity. Something that is not a problem for women at all. Women do not have the same stresses as men when it comes to work, housing, and money. And I'm so fucking sick of people saying otherwise. I have had these stresses my entire life so far. I just want to be able to live without worrying about where I live, or whether I can afford a car. <br><br>Out of all the personal experiences and memories I have, that (along with my assault) was the worst experience of my life. It was even worse when I had a woman sexually assault me because our sex life was connected to her self esteem. I'm a male living in a patriarchic society, I have no one to turn to because society says they aren't (and shouldn't be) expendable.<br><br>I had to take out loans just to go to college, and my poor mom is paying them off. My life has been a brutal, uphill battle since I was 14. There have been many times where I had to choose between my own dignity and being able to live a life where my basic needs were met. I had to choose between not having a car, a haircut, or food, and having a place to stay. I had to choose between working until I almost fainted and being able to pay rent. I almost got fired for blowing off work and not wearing a tie in an office setting. I had to choose between going home and sleeping or going to work. I was expendable, a labor machine and a drone, a robot programmed to do one thing and one thing only.<br><br>Our modern society praises war and conflict. We still celebrate "heroes" even if they were in the past brutal oppressors. We still idolize patriarchic concepts of masculinity, such as being tough and strong in the body and not the mind and heart. Capitalism exploits and commodifies women and men. I go through the world with my head down, knowing I don't matter to anyone but my mom and (maybe) myself. I don't have any children, I don't have a wife, I don't have a house or a car, I don't have a high paying job or good benefits. I'm a young man living in a patriarchic society. I'm not supposed to have any dignity.