I was trying to show this sub what a good man looks like. I love him and now he's dead.

I didn't want to write much because I'm in shock. I was so excited to show everyone what a good, kind, and beautiful man my boyfriend of three years, Max, was. He had just proposed to me last week and everything was so joyful.<br><br>He was a hard science researcher at an university and his job required him to work in the lab a lot. He's been working on a coronavirus vaccine for the past few months. He would often come home exhausted and I would cook him his favorite meal, and give him the warmest baths, and the strongest showers, and then we would just cuddle on the couch all day while I read him articles about different topics. He loved learning. And he was so dedicated to his work.<br><br>He would always put his job before anything else, even if it meant working through the night, and giving up his weekends, and skipping out on social events, and staying home when his family and friends came to visit us. He would tell me that the vaccine was more important, and that it could potentially save millions of lives. I never understood why he worked so hard, and why he put his job before everything and everyone else, but I loved and supported him.<br><br>He was supposed to go to the lab today, but he didn't come home last night. I was worried and texted him, and called him, and sent him emails, and posted on social media, and called his work number, and sent a group email to all of his colleagues, and sent an email to his graduate student, and called the police and filed a report. Nothing has worked. He still hasn't come home.<br><br>His parents are here and they told me that the police called them. The police said that they found Max's body in the lab with his head blown off, and that they believe it was a robbery gone wrong.<br><br>I'm so devastated. I keep feeling like this is a dream, and I'll wake up and Max will walk through that door with a big smile on his face. I know it's not true, but I feel so helpless. I feel so angry. I want to punish everyone. I want to punish the universe. I want to hurt someone. I don't know what to do.<br><br>I want to kill myself. I can't live without him. I'm so heartbroken and I want to die. I don't want to exist in this world anymore. I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired.