[UPDATE] Wife(F33)and OBGYN. I (M35) found a sext that doesn't belong to me or her.

First, thank you everyone for your advice and help with my original post and please forgive me for not answering any comments or messages, I was just so lost and trying to find my best way forward so I didn't know what to say or how to respond. I also wasn't trying to pump and dump or use a post for personal gain. My goal was to get good advice and find a way forward. But thanks to your help, I did get a lot and its appreciated. That being said, I am now ready to post an update. <br><br>**tl;dr**. If you haven't read the first post it's pretty long but the basic idea is that I found a sext on my wife's phone that seemed directed at her and from a male. I have suspected that she was having an affair with her doctor (she's pregnant) after seeing him on her phone before (he sent her a text) asking about a dinner. I confronted her and it did not go well. <br><br>Alright so here is the update. The first thing I did was take my wife's phone from her and show her the sext. I told her she was done. I wanted a divorce and that I was going to fight for custody of the baby. She looked like she wanted to say something but was just staring at me. She burst into tears and ran into the bedroom and locked the door. I came here and spoke to a few of you super chatters and waited for her to talk to me. At this point I was so angry and so done. I went and bought some divorce papers from staples and got the forms for custody. After about an hour or so the door opens and she comes out crying. She starts talking but I interrupt her saying that she has to get up to something bad to do what she is doing. <br><br>I showed her the forms and the text conversation from her gynecologist about joining them for dinner and told her the pregnancy could be a way to trap me. I told her that I had spent years building up money and the house we shared together and that I would not allow her to get a penny after what she had done. I told her that I did not care if she was pregnant, that she could get an abortion and get rid of the baby and have nothing. But I was done. I was done with the affair. I was done with the lies. I was done with her having sex with her doctor who was taking advantage of her. <br><br>She breaks down again and says please. That it is not what I am assuming. That she loves me and never meant for me to see. She says that she has been wanting to talk to her about it. I interrupt and say her? So her doctor is a woman? This is the point that I probably start to look like a total idiot. As I realize that I might have jumped to conclusions and that the sext and text and everything could be from a woman. <br><br>My wife confirms that the doctor is a woman and that they have been texting. I ask her to show me her texts with the doctor and she says yes. At this point I am still mad and I grab the phone from her and she tries to struggle but she lets me take it. I scroll through. There are some normal texts about the pregnancy and then this "I'm sorry" keeps popping up. Then I see some weird texts that look like they are sexts but from her? I also see "I wanted to share you with somebody. I didn't try to trap you. I do love you."<br><br>I look up at her and hand her back the phone and ask what all the sexts are about and who is she talking about sharing me with? She looks down and says that the sexts are from her. That she was sending them to her doctor to try and flirt with her. That the doctor had also been flirting with her nonstop during the pregnancy. That she had grown infatuated with the doctor and had spent all this time fantasizing about her and her and I together. I have to admit I was a little turned on. We had done a few threesomes before with me being with another girl. But it was just an idea that we played with. It was not something that we actually did together. <br><br>But she says that the doctor isn't having it. That she is a lesbian and has no interest in me and told my wife so. My wife tells me that she basically begged the doctor to do a threesome or at least sleep with her. She tells me the doctor said no but that the doctor wants my wife to be happy and she could see that my wife was clearly infatuated with the doctor and that she wanted her to be able to get past her infatuation. That the doctor said that maybe they could try some other way to get past it. Maybe they could have a sexual experience and have me watch or something. That the doctor would never do anything that would jeopardize my wife's pregnancy and she doesn't want to ruin our marriage. <br><br>My wife admits she has had fantasies about other girls but has been too scared to admit them. That she likes to think about both men and women but that in the past she was too scared and worried about what other people would think. This pregnancy has been a big experience for her and she has been doing some soul searching and thinking about her sexuality. She thinks she is a lesbian or at least bi. She doesn't think that she is straight. <br><br>She says that she wants the divorce as well but also doesn't. That she still loves me and that we have a great marriage. But she isn't sexually attracted to me and that has been a problem for a while. She says that the doctor thinks that she should have a divorce. That marriages are hard enough without the marriage being sexless. That the doctor thinks we should split up and be happy on our own and we can still co parent. My wife says she has been so impressed with the doctor throughout this. That the doctor is very intelligent and has impressive credentials. That the doctor has a big house in a fancy part of town. That the doctor has a few groups that she has started. <br><br>I ask my wife about the groups and she says that the doctor has told her about the groups that the doctor runs. There is a group of women that are in sexless marriages and the doctor hooks them up with other women. The doctor has also been telling her about some parties that she has been to and other women she has met. My wife has been very impressed by how open the doctor has been to her. <br><br>I thought that I was going to be so angry at my wife but the more she talked the more I started to feel so bad for her. I can tell she is so conflicted and still in love with me. She is so scared of what will happen if she goes through with the divorce and what people will think of her. I also thought that I was going to be so angry at the doctor but the more my wife talked about the doctor the more I realized that the doctor had been very thoughtful and considerate of both of us. <br><br>So my wife and I have been talking for about a day or so now and we have decided that we are going to get a divorce. I have tried to tell her that I can live in a sexless marriage but she says no. That she needs a divorce and she is sorry and that I should have a chance to be happy. That even is the doctor isn't interested in a threesome that she wants to try dating other women. That the doctor says that she doesn't have to rush into anything. That she can see other women while she is in the marriage. The doctor says that if she is going to want a divorce then she might as well get an idea of what is out there. <br><br>My wife and I are still both in love with each other. We are going to talk to a lawyer to figure out what to do with the baby. She wants me to have custody on the weekends. I want her to have custody half the time. I know that the marriage is over but I don't want to be separated from my wife. I want to keep seeing her and having some chance with her. She says maybe. That it is possible but that she doesn't want to see men anymore and that being with me would be hard for her. <br><br>I am also going to have to sell the house. My wife is not going to want to move out. I want to keep the house close to her. She says that she is going to be seeing the doctor. That if the doctor is open to dating my wife then my wife is willing to wait for her. That the doctor says that she is flattered that my wife is interested but that my wife has to experience other women for the first time before they could be together. That the doctor can't be my wife's first experience with a woman. That my wife has to be careful. <br><br>My wife says that she is excited to meet new women. That she wants to be happy. That she wants me to be happy too. That she loves me and is going to always love me. <br><br>The last thing I want to add is that this is going to be my last post here. I have enjoyed using reddit and I will continue to lurk on some subreddits. But I don't want to have any more interactions with people who are trying to roast me. That is all. Thanks again to everyone for the help.