I hate my (not biological) brother and can't forgive him no matter how hard I try

I've been putting this off for a long time now and I want to tell someone something I've never told anyone before.<br><br>So my mother married this man. John, before I turned 3 and I never met him. They separated and then my mom married someone else. My older brother Steven. So I grew up with him as basically my half older brother. So we grew up and always had the connection. He was very older and never had the chance to know me or see me as a brother but he always treated me well and was nice. He was a few years younger than mom and not much older than me. He even joked he was doing extension of high school for a reason. Anyways he moved away and they separated after a while. After that my mother married my current dad. So Steven was my older brother since 8 years old. He was 2 years older but was always there for me. I felt bad because he had too but mom would always say its not his fault. She always made the connection. He was very older and never actually knew me or was as much there for me somtimes. Anyways.