I've been trying to come out of my isolated state and I already want to go back to hiding at home alone.

Whenever women talk about how they have to act nice in order to gain access to male privilege, I believe them. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed or anxious or happy or angry, I cry. It’s one of the few ways I have to express myself, and it’s so hard for me to find other healthy ways to express myself, especially in social situations. <br><br>Happened today at school, I had a meeting with my academic advisor. I’m struggling with my mental health, and school is exhausting me. I’ve been thinking about taking a break and just leaving school. This is what I had said to him. My advisor is a great guy, very nice, understanding, helpful. He said that everything will be okay. I mean I know my advisor believes what he said, and it’s true that he can’t really understand how I’m feeling - as he is a man, as he is a more well-adjusted person. <br><br>When he said, everything is going to be okay, I shook my head. He looked at me with this look of horror, then put his hand on my shoulder. Then I started to cry. <br><br>I know he didn’t mean to do this, but I felt like I was a small child. He looked at me as I was crying and said, it’s okay, it’s okay, everything will be okay. <br><br>I felt embarrassed at the time. I feel embarrassed now. I have come to the conclusion that I need to be stronger, to have stronger coping mechanisms. No, I’m not a child. No, I’m not weak. I just need to put myself out there more, talk to more people, learn to deal with uncomfortable things like a normal person. <br><br>My anxiety is ruining my life. I have nothing. I have no friends, no social life, no job, no man. I need to grow up and be stronger.