I'm a Prison Chaplain who has to tell Inmates when their loved ones have died.

I've been a Chaplain in a jail for the last six years. A Chaplain is someone who responds to spiritual emergencies. In a correctional setting, this means that I get told any time an Inmate has a family member die. <br><br>I probably tell 10-15 inmates a month that a parent spouse or sibling has died. I always tell them the same way. I sit them down tell them my name and role, and then let them know that the officer's are bringing them to me because something sad has happened. I find out as much as I can about the deceased beforehand and try and be ready to tell them a few things about the circumstances of the death. I try and steer them towards the grief counseling available and then give them the opportunity to ask questions. I answer the questions I can, and admit that I don't know the answer to the ones I don't.<br><br>I'm 32 years old.<br><br>I've had inmates cry, scream, beat their cell walls, bodily flare, grab their hair and pull it out, holler for their mom, beg to go to a funeral, and tell me to do whatever obscene things to myself that they can think of in their grief.<br><br>I've met an inmate in the gym who already knew through grapevine, and was trying to do a few more months before going home and telling his kids.<br><br>When I was young I thought being a Chaplain would be about giving people the strength of their faith, and being an advocate for an inmate's spiritual needs. In reality I primarily tell inmates when their mom has died of a heart attack or their kid has died from a drug overdose. If they are in a Christian faith tradition, despite my own religion, I do my best to give them the answers they would want to hear. Most of the time I think they can tell that I don't believe what I'm saying, and that makes it worse.<br><br>I know death is a part of life, but I don't think anyone should have to die in prison. I wish we had a better system for getting people connected with their families before a parent dies. I wish we didn't militarize drug addiction and instead treated it as a medical crisis. I wish that we offered counseling and training and other resources to help Inmates put their lives together and become a positive force in their communities when they got out. I wish a lot of things.<br><br>My job has convinced me that even if you don't think that a criminal deserves access to any comforts they should at least be allowed to say goodbye to their mom.<br><br>Edit: Wow! Thank you all for your stories and kind words. Many have asked what programs our jail offers. I responded with my typical sarcasm, but to be serious for a brief second, our jail offers an intensive in-house substance abuse treatment program, parenting classes, bible study, a "life skills" class, educational classes, and counseling services. The counseling we contract through a county run counseling center.<br><br>Thank you for all your stories, every one that I have had a chance to read is helpful. Thank you for your kind words, it is nice to be seen.<br><br><br><br><br>Edit: Wow this blew up. For those of you who are sharing your own stories of losing a parent while incarcerated, I'm so sorry. That sucks so much. Thankfully my parents are still alive.