I [38F] told my husband [38M] I wanted to divorce. He says Ive been BUGGING him about it for 10 years now. I don't understand what he is talking about.

A little background, i love my husband we have been married for 11 years and have 2 beautiful daughters. He works 100 hour weeks as a doctor. The girls are at an age where they can pretty much take care of themselves. My work covers most of the financial costs (it is a very good job) but I have been married a lot longer than I have this job. I have always been the one who had to manage and plan everything for them from making sure they have clean clothes, helping with school work and driving them to extracurricular activities, picking them up from school (my work is close to their school and his work is not), helping with school work, having a meal ready for them when they get home, taking them to the park and other things. When it is the holidays or something, and all the girls activities off and schools closed, I have to make a plan for them. Find camps and things to do. When they are sick it falls on me to take care of them, pick up food, give them medicine, console them and make sure they aren't bored and get them to the doctor. I get to the side and that makes it difficult.<br><br>I think I’m burnout. The kids’ schedules depend on me and yet it is unpredictable. On top of work it is a lot. I gave birth to them, and then I still had to do all the managing of their schedule, picking them up and all of that.<br><br>I know he works very hard and provides a tremendous opportunity for the girls to move to good schools. It is a very good life. I can say I know this. But I don’t feel like I’m living my own life, not even close.<br><br>I love my daughters more than anything and would never want to leave them. This isn't an easy thing to say but I have toyed with the idea of divorce for some time now. I told it to my husband a few days ago and he says he has heard me say this before.<br><br>I have never actually brought up the subject before, and that is what I told him. He said he knows I'm not happy in our marriage. I said, I didn't say that. He said he knows it and I am starting to doubt myself that I am. I said we don't really do anything together anymore. He said I have never BUGGED and BEGGED and BEGGED him to go on dates with him more to do things together. He said even if he has a day off he wants to be with the family and spend time with his daughters, and that he had the mentality of "it is the least I can do for working so much and I am making good money and can provide a great life for you and the girls to have a good life". He said because of that I have GUARANTEED 100% that we never do dates. He said I never want to go on trips with him either.<br><br>I said that is crazy, because I never wanted to be a single parent. He said that I have always had to be a single parent so it is really the only thing I know of. He said why can't we just go on a trip with just the 2 of us? He said we could always leave the girls with a nanny or something.<br><br>It is not a slight on him, I just don't want to have a nanny and I want to be the one to do these things for them. But I think I'm at my breaking point.<br><br>I still can't believe I have been begging him to do dates and trips with just the 2 of us. I don't remember it. I wonder what other conversations he has been having with me that I don't remember.<br><br>Honestly, I have a hard time even taking a day off of work and had to have a sick day yesterday because a pipe in my kitchen burst. BUGGING him to do trips and just the 2 of us? I'm just not that person.<br><br>He is considering couples counseling and says we have to do it before we divorce and that he won't make that decision fast. He says he will try to work less hours and dates. He said the last time I wanted a divorce (about 2 years ago) we did a counseling and worked through it. I don't ever remember that. I'm not even sure if I am off my meds or something<br><br>He is going to say a week a month trip for just the 2 of us and that I BUG him about that and have always wanted to do it with him but now I say it's a bad idea. He said he would rather spend that time with our daughters.<br><br>That is the thing with women: It is not just having a child. It is YOUR body and YOUR time. Even if you have a nanny, it is all on you. And I said that. I said I have been having to do these types of things for years and had the mentality of "it is the least I can do for having a great life". But he just doubles down and says it is not the same and "I would switch bodies with you any day" and "You can get off of work whenever you want if your kids get sick and Ive never been able to be a full time parent". He says he has to miss the girls' basketball games because he is working and all this stuff. I had to miss their first baseball game because of work but that doesnt count because of course it doesn't.<br><br>I know he has been "hinting" that I haven't been happy in the marriage for some time now. I don't know what else to say. I'm not unhappy in the marriage. I'm burnt out. I just don't want to BUG him about taking the girls somewhere so we can go on a date and have to plan dates. I don't have dates planned and Ive BUGGED him about dates. I have a lot of things I have been BUGGING him about I just can't remember and yet he tells me Ive been BUGGING him about it. I'm at a loss for words.<br><br>Is it women's work? Is it just the mothers job to manage the children and take care of things? He works so much it is like he thinks he doesn't have a role as a parent and it is all up to me.<br><br>He says he remembers the first date we ever went on, that had to had been over 20 years ago, and he asked me my ideal of a good marriage. He said I told him I would not want him to go on dates with me and go on trips with me and things like that. He said I told him that I don't want that and will not need that. He said that he knows what he is doing. He said he remembers the very first time we talked about marriage and what it would be like if we ever got married and that he knew we were compatible and that he knew I would never want to go on trips with him or go on dates with him. I don't remember ever saying that.<br><br>I honestly don't want to divorce. I want my life and marriage back. But I don't think he is going to stop working 100 hour weeks ever and things are going to change. I think he will go to counseling with me and try to do more things with me but nothing is going to change, Im in charge of the girls and planning and doing all of that stuff. I don't know if I can take the responsibility of having another child either.<br><br>I don't know what to do. I don't want to look back and regret that I didn't give it a chance. I really do love him. I had no idea I had been acting this way and BUGGING him about things like dates.<br><br>Should I give counseling a try and try to work it out? Or is it the inevitable that we will not be able to work things out. There is a case where if he just listened to me and put himself in my shoes then he would know that I don't want to be a single parent all the time. He would know that and understand it is a huge burden. I think if he took a week, or even just a month, off of work and had to take care of the girls and the house by himself that he would understand. And if he took care of the kids and the house (making sure they are clean, helping with their homework, making sure they are fed and bathed, etc etc etc) and still had a 40 hour week working, that he would get to see what it is like to be in my position.<br><br>But I still can't get over what he is saying about me GUARANTEEING we never did dates. I don't want to have to plan fun things that are just for me and him if we do decide to do a date then it always has to be me who plans it.