I didn’t kill myself because I couldn’t bear the thought of my 6 y.o brother finding me

I was contemplating suicide for almost two years when I was 16 y.o. after attacking at church. I blamed God for everything and ended up cutting myself off from the Christian community and faith. <br><br>I was planning to do it for 2 years. I made a whole list of reasons, including gut feelings, and even made a 3-day plan. I wrote my last words to the people I loved and the people I hated the most, including God, and then burned them. I was ready to do it. I was ready not to be in this world and then suddenly everything stopped. I decided to go to the standard grade school event to take pictures. I was walking out of my room when I saw my little brother. He stopped me and gave me a card. I opened the card and saw that he drew his future wedding and I was the flower girl. I blamed God for everything but stopped myself for this little kid. He is the reason.<br><br>I didn’t kill myself to save one person. I will carry that weight with me forever.