My brother in law is asexual and I just ruined his wedding.

Throwaway, because reasons.<br><br>I (42F) married my husband (43M) 21 years ago, and we have two children together, boy/girl twins (20). My brother in law is my husbands fraternal twin, and it’s something I regret not thinking about more before marrying my husband.<br><br>My husband and his brother look nothing alike but both act the same. I’ve always joked that my brother in law is my husband, but without the penis or the common sense. I love my brother in law, I’m glad he can be himself around me.<br><br>My brother in laws fiancé is a different story. Shortly before their engagement, I asked him why he hadn’t spent the night at her house yet, and that’s when he broke down and told me he was asexual. He is desperate to have a traditional relationship but he’s asexual. He would do anything to prove his love.<br><br>Somehow my husband and I kept this knowledge to ourselves, but after a few months of getting engaged, my brother in laws fiancé wanted to set a date for their marriage. We wanted to tell her. My husband and I tried to convey to her, gently, that he was asexual but we could all tell she wasn’t listening. My husband’s intelligence tends to make him a good liar, so we wanted to tell her straight away. The explanation of asexuality was impossible, as words and brain power were apparently not her strong points.<br><br>I pushed for an explanation on their sex life at the wedding rehearsal, and after she claimed they had been doing it for over a year, I realized it was now or never. I asked for another private chat between the two of us, and in a celebrity endorsed tone of soft spoken words and gentle gestures, I asked “girl, are you sure about this? Does he pleasure your flower? Because he’s asexual.”<br><br>I’ll never forget that face. She had no idea. I think I watched a lightbulb turn off in her brain. And I’ll never forget her words “I knew it. I knew he was gay but he kept saying he wasn’t. I knew something was wrong.”<br><br>I think I made her cry a few times because I really didn’t know how to do this. I didn’t know how to give her news like that. So I told her I was sorry. I didn’t know any of this, but I was sorry. And I left.<br><br>My husband and I stayed at the hotel during the night, it’s a 5 hour drive back home. I’m sorry I ruined their wedding. I wish I had stayed quiet. She deserved to be told. My husband and I were woken up in the middle of the night by him saying he “fucking knew it” but then he laughed and said “I’m sorry baby but this is kind of funny.” So we both laughed. And cried. But we laughed.<br><br>My brother in law called me later in the morning. He said he was feeling a little better but asked for an explanation, so I gave him a very long one. He said she was going to take some time. I apologized again. I didn’t know what else to say.<br><br>He deserved better. I never thought a man could be in that situation. I never thought he would deserve better until then. He deserves better.