My husband admitted that he hasn’t enjoyed sex with me for eight years

I’m sorry because this is going to be long. I can’t post this anywhere else and need to get this off my chest. I’ve never felt so disgusted with myself in my life. I feel so ashamed. I’m 42 and I have a 16 year old daughter. Married to my husband for 20 years.<br><br>Three days ago I asked my husband why he hasn’t initiate sex in ages. He answered with “because I don’t enjoy it”. He admitted that he hasn’t enjoyed sex with me for eight years because I let myself go. I used to be in really good shape but that was years ago. After I aged and had our daughter it just didn’t matter for me anymore. I’ve never bothered to take care of my body again and put a lot of weight on. I know I should work on myself, especially for my health, but I just didn’t have motivation to do so. I still go to the gym to work as a secretary, so I’m not a complete mess.<br><br>He admitted that he cheated on me with a woman at work, a coworker who he helped train when she was new, because she was taking care of her body. He insists it was only once, but I don’t believe it. How can you cheat on your wife only once? He told me I need to take care of my body or he won’t be happy, basically. <br><br>It’s been three days and I haven’t gotten out of bed. I’ve never felt so disgusted with myself. I feel like I’m worthless. I need to get my shit together but even writing this feels like I’m pointing blame onto someone else. I know it’s my fault. He’s not a bad man and doesn’t deserve this. I can’t help but feel like I’m the only one at fault.<br><br>He’s stayed with me through everything, I was a drunk and a chain smoker when we met at 22. He helped me get sober and I quit smoking. I had depression a few years ago and he helped me get through that. <br><br>He’s a great husband and father. I know this is my fault. I feel terrible.