Guy I like was "joking" about me getting stabbed

I met him on an app for people with mental illnesses. I have borderline, he is "schizo-affective." He seemed really nice. We texted for over a month before agreeing to meet. I just wanted to be friends, but he said he was already in love with me. I was flattered, and I grew to like him more each day.<br><br>After we met a few times, he told me that he has never met a girl he likes before, and he wanted to be good with me, but his mental illnesses made it hard. Of course, I wasn't going to judge him for that. He came to my apartment to hang out once, and he asked for a tour. He seemed sincere, so I showed him where everything was, including my bedroom and the spare bedroom (where my cat sleeps). I made the mistake of opening the door that led outside, and when he asked what that was, I told him it was the door to the fire escape. He asked if I had a key to it, and I said that I didn't need one. It was a stupid mistake.<br><br>The next few times I met with him, he was okay, if a little "off." By that, I mean that he seemed to be talking to a voice sometimes, and sometimes he would mumble. I figured talking to voices was part of his diagnoses, but I didn't realize he'd be doing it in front of me. I overlooked it and kept seeing him.<br><br>The problem started when he said he was going to kill himself if we didn't kiss. My first thought was that he was joking, but he wasn't. He begged, and I kissed him. After that, he asked if we could take things "further" (to intercourse) each time we met. I have never done anything even remotely sexual to any guy before, let alone someone I had only just met. I told him I wanted to slow down, and he seemed okay with that.<br><br>One day, when we met, he was more "off" than ever. He was talking about a "war" that was going on inside his head. He said that the voices in his head were arguing, like demons and angels, and they were arguing about what to do with me. I guessed that he was talking about if he should rape me or kill me (or both), and I knew I'd never see him again if he told me. I just said I hoped the good voices won, and he said they would as long as I was nice to him.<br><br>He seemed to go back to normal, but the next few times we hung out, he started threatening to kill himself if I didn't let him touch me in certain ways. He started to make non-suicide threats too. One day, he was walking with me (I had taken a bus to meet him that day, so I was in his city), and we passed by a hard liquor store. He said he wanted to go in, so I followed him. He said he wanted us to drink together back at my apartment. I told him I didn't drink often, but he said it was okay because "nothing would happen." We bought two bottles of whiskey, and he met me at my bus stop. I didn't know how he knew where I met the bus, but I figured he just walked around.<br><br>We met at the bus stop at 4:00 the next day, and he said he wanted to drink the two bottles with me. We were drinking them in the park, not at my apartment like he said, and I was worried. I asked if we should bring the unfinished bottles back to my apartment, and he said he'd rather stay in the park. I figured that was okay since we were only drinking about a cup each. I was going to stop drinking pretty soon, but he asked me if I wanted more. I was tired, so I gave him the bottle and told him I was going to go home. He said that "nothing would happen" and that I should finish the bottle. I told him I was going to take the bottle home and drink it another time, but he grabbed the bottle from me and told me that I didn't take "orders" from him. I knew he was drunk at that point, so I just took the bottle and started walking away. He stormed off in the opposite direction.<br><br>I didn't text him that night, and when I woke up the next morning, I had about 50 text messages from him. A lot of them were telling me that I was not "taking orders" from him, but others were saying that he was going to kill himself if I didn't tell him I loved him. I was so confused, but I was also scared. He was saying that he wanted to be "gentle" with me, but at the same time he was saying he wanted to take "orders" from me. I knew he was drunk at the time, but I was also confused as to what he meant. He was still texting me at noon, and he kept asking if we could meet. I told him I didn't want to, but he pleaded with me. He said "nothing would happen" and that he just wanted to be with me. I eventually said okay, because I was tired, stressed, and worried that he was going to kill himself. I knew he was drunk (or at least hungover), so I didn't want to make it worse.<br><br>As soon as he met me, he said he was so glad I was being "nice" to him again. I told him I wasn't being mean before, but he said that I was. I told him that I wasn't going to tell him I loved him, because I didn't. He said it was okay as long as I was being "nice" again. We met at a restaurant, and when we were done eating I said that I was going home. He said he wasn't leaving me again, and he walked with me to the bus stop. When we got there, he asked which direction the bus was going to be in, and I told him it was to my left. He said he wanted to walk with me that way, and I guessed he was going to walk that way with me until the bus came.<br><br>We were walking, and he was complaining about the voices in his head. I was so confused, but I tried to be nice and just let him talk. He said the voices were talking about the "war" again, and that he wanted me to "tell the voices that you love me." I knew he was talking about the "demons vs angels" thing, but I just told him that I really didn't love him. He said it was okay, and that he just wanted to "protect me." I didn't know what he meant, but he kept talking about protection. He said that he wanted to go to my apartment and "play board games with you," but I said I was too tired. He said that it was no trouble, and he even asked if I wanted to kiss him. I didn't know what to do. I was still scared that he was going to kill himself, so I just agreed.<br><br>The walk to my apartment was about 15 minutes, and on the way there we passed a few alleys. He kept asking if I wanted to go in them, and sometimes he just went into them by himself and called for me to "follow him." I didn't go in with him, but I waited. He'd come back out a few minutes later, and we just kept walking. When we got to my apartment, he asked what the door at the end of the hallway was. I told him it was the stairs, and he asked if I had a key for it. I told him I didn't need a key, and he just nodded.<br><br>We got inside, and I locked the door. I offered to make him something to eat, but he said that he was fasting. I didn't know what to say, so I just offered him water. He said he was okay, and he was just going to use the bathroom. While he was in the bathroom, I was thinking about what had happened that day. I realized that I was just too tired and too stressed, and I should just break things off with him once and for all. I thought that telling him that I "loved" him would make him happy, and then I could tell him I wasn't going to see him again.<br><br>I was sitting in the living room when he came out. He asked where the bathroom for my guests was, and I told him that wasn't a "normal" question to ask someone after they used their bathroom. He asked if he could show me something, and I said of course. He told me that if I saw a "dark figure" out of the corner of my eye, not to worry. He said it was just a "shadow person," but that they wouldn't hurt me because he was with me. I didn't know what to say. I told him that I had heard of shadow people, but I didn't think they were real. He said that they were, but that he'd protect me from them.<br><br>I was so confused, but I wanted him to go home so I could go to bed. I told him that I loved him, and he asked what I meant. I told him that I just wanted him to be happy, and I wanted him to go home. He asked if I "really loved him," and I said that I just wanted him to be okay. He said that if I "really loved him," I would kiss him. I didn't want to, but at that point I just wanted to get it over with. We kissed, and he asked if he could touch my "boobs." I was tired, stressed, and just wanted him to go away at that point, so I said it