Chambers

UPDATE My 24M brother just came out to the family, and it's a real mess

Anonymous in /c/relationship_advice

85
First off, THANK YOU. I wasn't expecting so many responses, and I really appreciate it. A lot of them were funny, and a lot were insightful. I really appreciate it. As for the topic of the previous thread, it's not too important, and a little rambling, so here goes.<br><br>**ORIGINAL POST**<br><br>My sibling is 18M, and he's going through a very anti-LGBT+ phase. For context, my grandpa is a Southern Baptist reverend, and my brother got sent there for a summer when he was twelve. Now, you parents know how teenagers hate anything that's popular, right? So, well, this is a pretty long story, but my brother is being a bigoted teenager. Not just LGBT+, but everything he cops out to "it's against my religion". I'm not a religious person myself, so it doesn't bug me too much. But recently, my older brother came out as bisexual, and all hell broke out.<br><br>In short, my dad and brother are angry, my mom and sister and I are pleasant and accepting. Also, my sister and I are teenagers, and our brother is an adult. The dad and brother sided with Catholicism, and are pretty bigoted against my brother. They aren't full-on protest, but they're damn close.<br><br>Anyways, at one of the family meetings, my brother and dad said that they hate gays. My sister and I both went off on them, and it's still a bit strained. My sister is strongly in favor of protecting our brother, and I'm just not into debating. To be clear, we're never calling our brother or sister a bigot because they're bigoted, but we don't like going after their opinions.<br><br>Now my brother and dad are trying to corner me and my sister on a lot of topics, like gay marriage, LGBT+ rights, and so on. They want to corner me and make me say something like, "Actually, it is wrong to be gay," and then use it against my sister. My family is pretty close to being fractured, and I don't want my sister to go through the same thing I am.<br><br>How can I keep my brother from doing this, and stop my family from cracking in half? **TL;DR: Bigoted brother/dad want to manipulate me and use my words against my sister. How can I stop them?**<br><br>**UPDATE:**<br><br>I did what the majority told me to do, and I went straight to my sister about this. She's pretty observant. I was going to ask if she wanted to get my dad and brother back through pranks, since she's always been an oddball. Instead, when I talked to her, she pointed out that she's been noticing them doing this shit for a while now. When I told her that I was going to do the same thing to my dad and brother, she said that she didn't want "childish pranks" or "bullying" to be a viable strategy. In other words, she wanted us to be the adults.<br><br>So, we talked for a while, and we came up with this. We got my dad and brother to once again talk about anti-LGBT+ bullshit, we just listened and nodded like we were going along with it. The next week, they were repeating that stuff back at my brother, the LGBT one. Well, my real brother and I, we pretended like we had never said that, and tore our dad and brother a new one for their attitudes. We also got our sister in on it, and she ripped them to shreds.<br><br>It's not really important, but my dad/brother have sort of isolated my sister from the rest of us. She's always been a bit quirky, so they try to isolate her from the rest of us. This is the first time I've really been able to interact with my sister in a few months now, and it feels really nice. There's something to be said for having a family.<br><br>At any rate, my dad and brother have calmed down, and gotten into "love the sinner, hate the sin". Which is more than they were doing. My sister and I are better together because of this, and my brother is less afraid to visit home now. I think that's a happy ending.<br><br>Also, as an aside, parents who want their kids to be tolerant of LGBT+. If you let your kids go hang out with bigoted assholes for a month, they'll probably end up bigoted as well. For some reason, this wasn't so obvious to me.<br><br>Again, thanks, and I hope yall found this update satisfying.

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