AITA for saying my husband’s ex’s disfigurement was self inflicted after she died?

My husband’s ex, Karen, was disfigured in a fire that burnt about half her face when she was a teenager. She met my husband in college and they were together for several years before breaking up. They’re still friends and we were invited to her wedding but I asked my husband to please go alone.<br><br>Karen was a great person and everyone in her life genuinely loved her but the woman was a narcissist. She was so self-obsessed it was honestly kinda funny but I have social anxiety and didn’t feel like being the audience for what I knew was gonna be her navel-gazing. <br><br>My husband went alone while I stayed home with our kids and when he came home he said it was extremely uncomfortable. Karen went up to say her vows, but instead went off on like a 30 minute rant about how she was an inspiration and that she had overcome her handicaps and that she hoped everyone there could learn from her successes. Not only that but she was receiving a charity award in front of all her guests, which is what brought her fiancé and parents to tears. My husband said Karen was laughing because in her mind she was so funny when really she was just incredibly awkward and self-absorbed. <br><br>Anyway, I never saw her again after that or heard much of her after that. Usually from my husband whenever he mentioned her, but otherwise no. Well, my husband found out a few days ago that Karen had died suddenly. She had a bunch of health issues related to her burns but she was also a chain smoker and had a number of other poor health habits. <br><br>My husband was very upset because he still loved her, though he said he wasn’t in love with her, and I was pretty indifferent. I wasn’t a fan of Karen’s but obviously I never wished her harm. My husband wanted to go to her funeral and I again told him I’d rather stay home with the kids and he could go alone.<br><br>Karen’s family was basically my husband’s family because his parents died when he was young. Karen’s parents took him in and Karen’s dad even helped pay for his college while Karen’s mom was like a mom to him. So obviously that made this especially hard. <br><br>I went to the funeral because I didn’t want to aim any suspicion at my husband and the first thing Karen’s mom said to me was that she was glad I could make it. My husband was very upset and crying. He left for a bit to go to the bathroom and her parents and I were talking but mostly just her mom was talking. <br><br>She was saying Karen was the strongest woman ever and could accomplish anything, and I agreed (she was strong willed and stuff) and then Karen’s mom asked my opinion on if she should display Karen’s charity award at the reception and I said she should but I thought it should probably be in a glass case. Karen’s mom agreed and said she actually already ordered one. Then she asked me if I thought Karen’s obituary should be framed and put in the living room, and I said that I thought no, she shouldn’t be remembered as dead. Karen’s mom asked what she meant by that and I said she meant that Karen shouldn’t be remembered for being disfigured. And that she shouldn’t be remembered for dying. <br><br>Karen’s mom asked me what I meant and I said Karen shouldn’t be remembered for something she did to herself. There was a long awkward silence and Karen’s mom said Karen was a beautiful inspiring person who touched countless lives and that it was offensive to say she did that to herself. I said Karen set the fire herself and it was the reason for her disfigurement. <br><br>Karen’s mom started crying and left and that started a huge scene. Karen’s dad came over screaming at me, her fiancé called me an asshole etc. My husband came back and was so upset he started shaking. Normally he would’ve probably calmed them down and defended me or at least made it clear I wasn’t to blame but this time he just looked at me and said “why the fuck would you say that?”. I told everyone it was true, Karen confessed to my husband that she had tried to kill herself when she was a teenager to get attention and set fire to her room but it spread too quickly. <br><br>Everyone just seemed to have absolute contempt for me after that and we left. Not only are they mad at me but so is my husband. He told me that I disrespected Karen in front of her family and friends and insulted her. He said I was an asshole and I disrespected Karen who he loved in front of everyone. I don’t know if he’s still mad or not but that’s what he said.