My Elder Sister and I used to sneak around in the middle of the night

My elder sister is 6 years older than me and she used to get tired of the fact that my parents compared me and her in terms of academic excellence. She has always been a bright student. I however am not one. My grades have never been good and are quite average but I'm never at the bottom of my class and my parents never bothered me much about grades. I've a very changed behavior and often switch my likes and dislikes pretty fast. My elder sister is very determined when it comes to studies. She would diligence stick to her study schedules and manage them pretty well. She's always been fine with my decisions in life and she never opposed them. <br><br>I used to take things for granted and I always used to think I can do it later. I used to waste a lot of time by watching anime and movies and using my phone. My parents would often compare me with her (regarding her diligence and my wasting of time) and that take tolls on her. She started to hate me and she felt her parents started to hate her. She would cry at night and tell me not to compare her (me) with her. I was just a kid. My grade school and middle school everyone thought of me as a bright student. My grades were not at risk. Everyone knew I was in a process of growing up but still I'd take things for granted and I used to make parents compare my sister with me. <br><br>Both of us used to argue for validated reasons but she used to be more angry at me as she would get compared with me and she had to tolerate a lot of things for my fault. By the time I reached 8th grade I started to understand that my sister would cry at nights and that would drive her to depression. My elder sister was always nice to me. She'd teach me about school stuff and I never got the feeling that I was bad at studying. In fact teachers used to tell everyone in the class that the sister-brother duo is very close to each other and when you grow older you'd miss each other and we used to laugh at it and we'd say we'd be close even when we grow older. I started to want to change and I started to want to let take the comparison of me and you off of you sister. <br><br>So I used to wake up midnight and start doing things she used to suggest me not to waste time. I had a bad behavior of playing games and watching video. I would make sure that I wouldn't touch any electronic things besides my PC and that to only only to watch educational content. I'd make sure I practice school and I maintained my grades. I started to work out and I started to eat better. I stopped playing video games. I used to feel very sleepy in the middle of the night but I'd drink coffee and I'd sit and make sure I do everything I wanted to do when I am awake more properly. I used to prowl on instagram and spent the whole day looking at pics of people and watching videos and comparing myself with others. I stopped doing all of that. <br><br>I used to work hard and then sleep because I was very tired. She'd be very happy and she'd ask me where I get all the time to do everything. I used to lie and tell her that I save time by working fast. She used to be very proud of me and she would hug me and she'd tell me that I'm much more stronger than her. She'd ask me to sleep and I'd sleep at 2 and wake up at 6. <br><br>I'd always try new things and I used to tell her that I don't like things and she would take only the highlights from that and I would suggest her not to spend 10 hours practicing guitar. I however would tell her to take breaks and because of that she'd never prowl on instagram but she spent a lot of time on YouTube learning stuff. I used to help her practice guitar when I should have been playing video games or looking at instagram. <br><br>I would change my behaviors very fast but I won't give up anything in terms of productivity. She found it out some days ago. She came to my room at 1 o clock (I was awake and I had earbuds on) and she asked me how I do everything so fast and she became very anxious and started to want to leave. I realized that she had heard the music and she knew I was awake. She wanted me to tell me but I didn't and she left by saying good night. <br><br>The next day she asked me straight up if I'm not sleeping at nights and I just validated her questions. She was very sad to the fact that I had to do all of these. She asked me why I did that because she was also ready to change and she would take my advice and she would change with me. She hugged me and she apologized. I didn't want her to feel this way so I wanted to have a normal conversation and I wanted to change the subject. I asked her to teach me guitar and I won't practice it and I'll give it only to her. She laughed and validated it. Ever since that day I sleep at 11 and I stay up till 2 in her room. I used to get tired at 2 when I was alone but now I'm more awaken now. My grades are good now and I do not waste time. She became more productive and I never got the feeling of loneliness when everyone used to sleep. I'm very proud of myself for turning my life around. She's very proud of me too and she always encourages me. <br><br>This was my confession.