We raised our 3 kids together after their mother left. I (28M) am obsessed with their father figure (31M) and it's ruining their childhood.

My husband and I are in a 3 year marriage after 4 years of dating. He's a great guy and I'm confident we're compatible. Our children are happy and healthy.<br><br>Hypothetically, if I were to marry someone else, I'd want to be with a man like Dave (31M). I met him 5 years ago through my husband. We're really good friends and we've bonded over supporting each other. We both had family members who passed away, and we always looked out for each other.<br><br>We've raised our children together, Dave and his two sons after their mother left. My husband's kids are lucky to have Dave as a father figure as he's been there for them as much as their father. My kids appreciate Dave and they've always felt like they had another parent.<br><br>My obsession with Dave started 2 years ago when our children were very close and often spent the night at his house or our own. My husband Mike worked a lot of late nights and was tired most of the time, so I would stay up late talking to Dave while the kids slept over. We were always just friends and we never wanted anything more. We have talked about everything from our weaknesses to our dreams and aspirations. I feel a deep connection with him.<br><br>There was an incident where Dave was barely awake and he accidentally called me his wife. I admit I was briefly happy and it felt special. I would have never considered leaving my husband for him, but that changed after Matt (Dave's kid) got attacked. Dave's son Matt got hurt badly during a school football game and I was very supportive as I knew how traumatic the situation was. That's when I started to appreciate Dave differently.<br><br>Because Dave was tired of his job and family drama, we started spending more time together. We kept it innocent, just movies and food. But he sometimes got mistaken for my husband when the kids weren't with us. When we were at a family restaurant and we got mistaken for a family of 5, it was awkward but not too bad. We realized we couldn't keep doing this and decided to stop.<br><br>We stayed friends but I always had a crush on him. I would daydream about different life scenarios where Dave was my husband. My feelings started to develop into sexual attraction and I had to be careful not to let my feelings show. Even though it was awkward and guilt was eating away at me, I wanted to be with him.<br><br>I didn't want to hurt my family like my ex-husband did. However, I realized Matt (14M) and his family didn't approve of me with my husband. Even though it was awkward and guilt was eating away at me, I couldn't help but feel that I was with the wrong person. These thoughts affected my marriage and my relationships with my friends and colleagues. I felt like I had to end things with Mike and start over with Dave.<br><br>I didn't want to hurt my family like my ex-husband did. When I told my husband, he said he already knew but he was waiting for me to tell him. We agreed to separate and try to make things work. He moved out and I felt like I had betrayed Dave. I avoided him and the kids because I didn't know how to face him. The kids were stressed out and confused so Dave suggested we talk.<br><br>He had no idea how I felt about him and I didn't want to hurt him or his son. I thought he'd be mad but he said he had tried to make me happy for years. He didn't want to ruin things between us, so he waited for the right moment. I realized I made a decision that I couldn't take back, which scared me. It felt like my dreams were coming true, but the reality was more complicated and hurtful towards my husband and kids.<br><br>My kids want me to get back with my husband, but I want to start over with Dave. I know this would hurt my kids and my husband, but I feel like I have the chance to correct my first mistake and make my life better. Matt understands and they're happy about it, but they're teenagers. My kids are angry and my husband is hurt. I would regret staying with him and I don't want him to be stuck in a loveless marriage.<br><br>TL;DR; My obsession with Dave, the father figure of my children, is ruining their childhood. I'm torn between my feelings and the potential consequences of pursuing a relationship with him.