PoV of a doctor as the patient walks in with “it closed”, “I need to find a new job” and “The zombie apocalypse is imminent and I need my implants removed” wrote on their file

I stood over the scrub sink staring through the open window at the patient walks in for surgery. I had always loved this part of the hospital, the scrub sinks stood on an exterior wall almost at ground level, it allowed an almost unobstructed view of the parking. In the morning this had been fantastic for people watching as patients started showing up. But now I just stood there staring at the almost empty parking lot, ignoring the scrub water as it got cold.<br><br>The patient got to the nurse after handing her a large bag of things. Anytime they needed to bring a bag it was for special requests that wouldn’t fit on the pre-printed list of items they were not supposed to bring. I looked down at the chart in my hand to see what this patient needed to bring.<br><br>*It closed*<br><br>*I need to find a new job*<br><br>*The zombie apocalypse is imminent and I need to find my implants removed*<br><br>I sighed and threw the file onto the counter. I had never been one to read patient files before the patient had gone back, there was no need to know why an ingrown toenail was being removed. <br><br>I walked through the scrub room to the operating room and put on a fresh set of gloves. I walked over to the anesthesiologist and asked how things were going. Another anesthesiologist I trusted. That was all I needed after the last few weeks. I didn’t need anything else to go wrong. Despite what the patient had written on the file I couldn’t help but feel that the universe had chosen today to conspire against me.<br><br>“Marcie, if anything happens during this case come get me.” She nodded from under her mask. She is a good anesthesiologist, but I had always been paranoid. Now I was terrified. Despite what the patient had written on the file I couldn’t help but feel that the universe had chosen today to conspire against me.<br><br>The OR doors swung open. Here was my first chance to see why this patient was here. The anesthetist put his hand on my shoulder. “I don’t think we’re gonna be cutting into anything today.” I visibly gulped. He laughed. “Sorry, sorry. She’s a breast implants removal. Totally elective. She’s closed an air-tight db zipper zipper into her breast implant. <br><br>I groaned. “Nothing is going right today.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I had done cases closed with no complications for 15 years. It was just a zipper. I had done worse when I was a resident.<br><br>I walked to the door and peeked through the window. The patient was moving around on the table, getting comfortable. I opened the door and walked out into the hallway. The nurse was standing almost where I found her. She walked over to me and handed me the chart. <br><br>“My scrub cap please.” I held out my hand.<br><br>I took the file back and opened it, flipping through the pages. Despite what the patient had written on the file I had still gone through the actual chart. But there were still things I needed to know about the zipper. <br><br>“All of the information the patient has provided I have written down here. How long closed, had she felt the zipper when it closed, what is the zipper made of, what she ate for the last meal. The patient used no pain medication and has been lying on her back ignoring it. As it will be a clean zipper, we will not need to clean the area and the patient has agreed to let the case be a teaching. We will be closed with no complications.”<br><br>I smiled. I didn’t care if the patient was on drugs. This was the case I had been waiting for. Any other closed case had ended horribly. I walked back through the doors into the OR.<br><br>“Let’s get started. Marcie you’re the expert, please brief them on how we will avoid closed.”