I'm nervous to kiss my crush

I'm 19 yo and in college. Last semester, I got a new project group assigned which is where I met him. He's shy and quiet and I thought he was cute.... and we ended up getting close. He started inviting me to group hangouts out of class, and we started hanging out in person, just the 2 of us. I hinted I was interested by asking him to do my hair, try my makeup, do couples yoga with me, do partner pole dancing lessons and he said yes. He took the initiative to change his hair and makeup but I did it in the first place. But he said he liked how he looked so he kept it. I was so excited when he agreed to the pole dancing lessons but at the end of it he said maybe we should be friends.<br><br>I said sure, we're students, we have busy schedules anyway and I could use a friend. I'm not very good at getting close to people. He asked if I was still up to hang out with him and I said yes. So we kept hanging out.<br><br>After that he started being more forward. He would ask if he could kiss me sometimes, and he always looked at my lips before kissing me, and he cuddled with me and always touched me. He had never initiated the kiss though. I was thinking maybe he was waiting till the right moment. I was too nervous though because I saw a post on tiktok saying the guy always makes the first move.<br><br>But then I got really sick. I was bed bound for 2 weeks and he offered to care for me, so he moved in with me for the time being. When he did, it was basically like a relationship, minus the kissing. He was still waiting for me to make the move and I was afraid to ruin everything because I wasn't sure if he still liked me the same way anymore. So I didn't. I saw a video on tiktok where this short woman said the guy always makes the first move and I was wondering if I was just being over sensitive.<br><br>He told me he really wanted to kiss me when we were sitting in the bathtub, but I couldn't kiss him because he was in front of me in the water and I didn't want to kiss his cheek, and I could see his confidence shaking.<br><br>He had never initiated a kiss, even when I was sick and he had plenty chances, and even when we were in the tub. But I was afraid to ruin things. So I said the guy always makes the first move, remember? And that's what I thought anyway. I was feeling confused because he had been making every move the past few months. But I just said if I kiss you, you'll be disappointed. He said why. I said the guy always makes the first move. He said that wasn't true. I said I was afraid of what you would think. He said he wanted me to kiss him. I said are you teasing me because that's not true, men always make the first move. We're in a bathtub and you haven't kissed me yet. He said he likes being kissed. I was like maybe we're just miscommunicating. He said he loves it when a girl makes the first move. I said tell me when you're ready, I'll kiss you, I'll make the first move. He said I'm ready now. But I said it looks like you're not. He said he was. I said he wanted me to make the first move but wasn't actually ready. He said he was ready. I said okay fine, I'll make the first move.<br><br>So I kissed him, and he looked really happy. I said are you happy, I thought you weren't into the first kiss. He said I was worried you would never kiss me. I said you saw the tiktok video where it said the guy makes the first move. He said I saw it and I was worried you had moved past the kissing stage but you would never make a move because you thought guys always make the first move. I said you should have told me. He said he was too shy ever since I started making moves on him.<br><br>He said he was so happy I finally kissed him because he finally felt like I felt the same way as him. I said you know I'm single, I haven't been with anyone in years, and I've been spending all my time with you. He said he was shy, he thought I was giving him and his friends sexual attention because I was bored. I said I gave him 4 sexual attentions, including a sensual bathtub, and he was still wondering. He said he was shy, and he was still riding the high of liking me, so he never knew if I would like the attention or not.<br><br>I said what if he miscommunicated, what if he was never confident enough. But he was confident enough in my teasing to take me on dates and cuddle with me, but never kiss me? I said no wonder he had never kissed me all this time, he thought I would never make a move on him. I said we have had so many chances, I thought you knew we were dating. He said he was always unsure. I said are you just teasing. He said he was shy, he liked and respected me, he was never confident I felt the same way as him. I said we've had so many special moments. He said he was always hoping. He said he never assumed I felt the same way as him and was always walking on eggshells.<br><br>I said so you were just waiting for me to make the first move but I thought you were never into me. There was a whole tiktok video about it, did you think I would make a move on someone I wasn't into? He said I didn't know, you acted like you were just being friendly. I said I already confessed I was seeing you and only you exclusively. He said he was shy and he got super nervous whenever I got closer to him. I said I was already nervous you weren't into me, and I was even more nervous because I was thinking I had to make the first move for you to like me. He said he was already into me.<br><br>I said so you weren't ever going to make a move on me. He said he was too shy and he thought I would never make a move on him. I said it was because of the tiktok video I saw. He said he saw the video too but he never assumed he was the guy in the video. I said why did you never make a move on me, I thought you were straight. He said he had already made his move on me by changing his hair and makeup.<br><br>I said I thought you were just a friend who was experimenting. He said he didn't want to ruin our friendship. I said we're a lot more than friends. He said he knew what he was doing. I said he was already into me and he knew how long I've been single. He said he was really happy I kissed him. I said it was a risk, I could have ruined our friendship. He said he was happy and didn't mind the risk. I said what would have you done if I didn't make the move. He said he would have just waited. I said forever. He said yeah.<br><br>I said I thought you were never going to kiss me. He said I was never going to kiss him back. I said don't say shit like that. He said I was being honest. I said so you were just playing along. He said yeah. I said I was so nervous I could puke. He said he was already gone for me. I said so you knew and you just played along. He said yeah. I said so you knew if I never kissed you you would leave me. He said yeah. I said what if I never kissed you. He said I would have stayed friends and would have stayed in love with you forever.<br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>So I'm glad I made the first move.