AITA for telling my son we are not paying his elopement

Hello, this is throwRA 34F, my husband (36M) and I have a son Christopher (23M) and a daughter Kate (21F). We are from a (back in the day) middle class (more towards the lower end) , both blue collar workers. My son has recently announced that he is thinking of moving away in the spring (we live in the USA in the midwest, he wants to move to the west coast (Oregon), he wants to bring his new GF, Emily (22F), whom he met in college (he is a mechanic, she was studying psychology). <br><br>They are now planning to buy a house there. They are also talking about getting married. I asked him about having a wedding back here (we are old school , both believed we would have a wedding for our kids), he told us that they wont be having a traditional wedding, they wanted elope before because they (Emily is included in) are short of cash for this new place. The majority of the money that they saved up is going on the house he is buying for them. <br><br>My question now is if I am TA for telling my son that we are not paying for the elope. I asked him about how much the whole thing is gonna be. The majority of the money they have saved (they say) is going on the new house. My son said elope (they want to go to a beach) they will have a little reception there with the new family they will be acquiring. <br><br>I asked my son if we are also invited. He mentioned that it was an intimate thing just the two of them (adding her parents) (in his words) they weren’t gonna have a lot of people, they didn’t want to risk flying family down right now and they wanted it intimate (so I said they aren’t going to have any of their friends, the response was no, they were just bringing us and her parents). So I jokingly asked if we take a day off work, he said they might go in the summer. I asked if they think the summer is a good option (with the heat, crowded beaches etc) he said that they aren’t gonna do this all their life, (in his words) it was a once in a life time opportunity, even if it was intimate, the beach is special to them and they want this. I asked if the beach was special to him at all. He mentioned that no. I asked why he didn’t pick a place that was special to him, he mentioned that it was all about compromise and that basically Emily loved the beach so they agreed to that. <br><br>They told us they thought that our money would help them pay for the elope. I told them that we weren’t helping them pay for the elope. I told them that the money that we saved (we saved for their weddings) they could use after the wedding. <br><br>Both my son and his GF told me that I was selfish and I believed them. They said elope was special to them and that they had to go take a chance. They said that basically we needed to support this. I dug my heels in and said no, if they wanted the money they had to get married back here (in the state that they were born, where their friends and family are, or at least get married back here in our backyard with a small reception or something). <br><br>My son argued that they couldn’t afford to have the beach wedding here. I said fine, have a beach themed wedding back here. <br><br>I am confused, I basically agreed to give them money, do I tell them I am bringing my money back? Do I bring my money back if they go ahead with the elope without my money?