My Dad’s Death Really Put Everything In Perspective

My dad had a stroke in his brainstem and is still in a coma.<br><br>I don’t know what’s gonna happen but I’ve come to terms with the fact that he’ll probably be gone. He’s not gonna see me get married, have kids, etc.<br><br>I was in the ambulance with him. I was holding his hand and he couldn’t look at me, he was breathing heavily, etc.<br><br>He was an alcoholic, but a really good person.<br><br>He got kicked out of my house for cheating on my mom.<br><br>Ever since he was sober and we were fine. He just got a car accident related injury and couldn’t drink but he was an alcoholic for most of his life.<br><br>He couldn’t stay sober for more than 1 year.<br><br>I’ve come to terms that I’ll probably be as good as gone by 40.<br><br>And I realized that I just don’t have time for small stupid meaningless goals.<br><br>I don’t give a fuck about being skinny, tall, having nice teeth, skin, etc.<br><br>I don’t care if these shitty people at my work like me.<br><br>I don’t care what my mom thinks. She’s gone too and she’s kinda the reason he’s dead tbh.<br><br>I don’t care if I’m a loser.<br><br>I know I’m a loser and I’ll die like one. That’s just how it is.<br><br>I just want to be happy and enjoy my time here.<br><br>And be nice to the people I love and fuck the rest of them.<br><br>I realized that nobody cares about me, they care about themselves.<br><br>And trying to please them is pointless because I’ll be unhappy and they won’t even remember me after I’m gone.<br><br>I don’t really have family.<br><br>I’m alone and that’s okay.<br><br>I don’t need to rely on anyone.<br><br>I’m okay with my looks, etc.<br><br>I’m okay with my fate and that nobody wants to fuck me.<br><br>I’m okay with the fact that I’ll die alone and until then I’ve gotta hustle for food, etc.<br><br>I was sad and angry at first. But I’ve come to peace with it.<br><br>If anything I’m happy I got to enjoy the time with my father.<br><br>And I’m gonna stop trying to impress people and trying to make friends.<br><br>I’m gonna do what makes me happy.<br><br>I’m gonna be nice to my mom but I’m not gonna let her talk down on me.<br><br>I’m gonna live life and not let people take advantage of me.<br><br>I’m gonna be a better person.<br><br>You all are great. I seriously love you guys.<br><br>I don’t need anyone else.<br><br>I’ll see you losers on the other side.<br><br>Much love until then.