I almost didn't wake up this morning. If you have ever thought of doing something like this, please think twice.

Hi all. My name is Chelsea. I'm 32, a mom of 2, an avid outdoors woman, and I feel so so lucky to be alive today after my ex-husband tried to end it for me a few years ago (I was 28 then). I'm not here for advice, and I'm not here for sympathy, although it's greatly appreciated. I want to tell this story for two reasons. First of all, I believe that you guys are the type of people that would be interested, and second, I want to reach out to anyone else who has been through something similar. Or anyone who is thinking of doing something like this to another person. The first time I met Brent, my ex-husband, I truly believed him to be the most perfect, handsome, kind, and genuinely wonderful human in the entire world. He was only 21 when we met. He was twelve years younger than me and, yes, I know that's a red flag. I find it hard to describe in detail what happened between us, but in short, months of being together culminated in a very serious, very terrifying event. We were on a camping trip in February (I know it was cold). We were the only ones at the campsite. I remember the first night we were there, and Brent went through my phone. He read through all my text messages, and he got upset over some of the messages I had exchanged with an old, very good friend of mine. After that, he wouldn't let me have my phone. He'd hide it from me in the tent. He was angry over some messages that KIA (my friend) had sent me. I tried explaining to him that Kia and I were platonic, that we'd been friends since we were kids. But he'd get angry with me whenever I mentioned Kia's name. Kia was my rock, Brent knew that. He was jealous of the relationship I had with Kia, even though it wasn't a romantic one. He'd ask me to delete Kia's number, to stop talking to Kia, and eventually, he'd threatened to kill himself if I didn't stop talking to Kia. I tried, I really did. But Kia was the only person I could reach out to when Brent was over, because he'd get so angry whenever I tried to call my parents. So, Kia and I would constantly text back and forth whenever we were alone. Brent couldn't stand it, he couldn't stand the fact that I was talking to Kia behind his back. He got angrier and angrier with me, over the smallest things. Whenever we'd be in the car, driving, he'd try to make me look at him whenever he'd be talking, and if I looked away, he'd yell at me. I was terrified of him. I couldn't do anything around him without him exploding at me in anger. I couldn't look at him, but I also couldn't look away from him. I was in a constant state of panic when we were together. He'd try to touch me, kiss me, and I'd flinch because I didn't want him to hit me. I was so deeply terrified of him. We were on our camping trip, and on our second night, I tried to call Kia. I'd tried to call my parents, but they were all out of cell service range. I called Kia anyway, and when Brent found out, he was irate. We were in the car, and he started driving erratically on the highway. He was crying and screaming, and he threatened to crash the car and kill us both. I begged him to stop. I told him I'd never call Kia again, and he stopped. I still have no idea how we didn't crash and burn that night. I was in tears, and he was just silent, staring dead ahead as he drove us back to the campsite. When we got back, he made me stay in the car with him. He made me sit there for hours. It was freezing, but I didn't ask him to turn on the heat. The windows were fogging, and I could see my breath when I talked, but I didn't ask him to turn on the heat. We sat there for hours, in silence, as I watched the fog roll in off the lake. I could see a couple on the shore, standing around a large fire. They were laughing, and I remember feeling like a fool. I'd spent my entire adult life telling women and young girls to run from men like Brent. But I was stuck in a relationship with a man that was making me feel so small, so useless. I didn't feel like I could leave him, because I knew where he lived. He knew where I lived. He'd constantly remind me of these facts. He'd tell me that he knew where my kids were. He'd tell me that he knew where my parents were. Eventually, he made me get out of the car. He made me walk back to the tent, through the snow, in the dead of night. I was freezing, I had no socks on, and my feet were numb and soggy. When we got back to the tent, he told me to get in. He'd brought the sleeping bag and the air mattress in, and I changed into warmer clothes. I didn't want to sleep next to him, but I didn't have a choice. I fell asleep. I have no idea what time it was, but I remember waking up to him pushing me, telling me to get outside. I tried to roll over, to go back to sleep, but he kept pushing and pushing me, saying I had to go outside. He said he'd set a fire, but I had to go out and get some more firewood. I tried explaining to him that I was tired, that I was cold, that I didn't want to go outside. But he wouldn't listen. I tried to roll over again, to go back to sleep, but he started hitting me. Not hard, but enough to wake me up. He said if I didn't go outside, he'd hit me harder. I started crying. I told him I didn't want to go outside, and I didn't want to be with him anymore. He started hitting me harder then. I tried to shield my face, but he grabbed my hair and dragged me out of the tent. My hair was longer then. I had long, curly locks of red hair. It's short now. I cried and cried, asking him to stop. I didn't want to go outside. He pulled my hair so hard that it ripped, and I fell to the ground. I tried to get up, but he kicked me, and he told me to stop moving. My head hurt so badly. I was dizzy and I could already feel a giant goose egg forming on the back of my head. I laid there on the ground, crying, and I remember feeling like I was going to throw up. He left me there. I tried to get up, to get back into the tent, but it was too cold. My body was trembling, I had no socks on, and my head hurt so badly. I remember crawling around the campsite, looking for something to throw up in, but there was nothing. I threw up on the ground, and my head hurt so much. I laid there for a long time. The couple on the lake shore was gone, and I was completely alone. I didn't want to go back in the tent, but it was the warmest place around, and I was so so cold. I laid there for what felt like hours. I remember the stars moving above me in the sky. I remember the sound of the lake flowing. I was alone, and I was cold, and I was scared. I tried to get up. I remember standing, swaying, and falling back down. I was dizzy. I remember crawling on my hands and knees, trying to get back inside the tent, and I remember wanting to die. I wanted to die because I didn't want to be with him anymore. I hated him. I hated him so badly. I didn't want to be alive if it meant being with him. I remember thinking about Kia when I got back into the tent. I remembered how safe I always felt when we were together, how much fun we'd have, how much we loved and cared for each other. I wanted to call Kia then. I wanted to tell Kia where I was. But I was so so cold. I was dizzy, and I had a headache. I didn't know if I could call Kia even if I wanted to. That's when I heard the zipper. It was then that I realized that he wasn't gone, he was only hiding behind the tent. He'd pulled my hair, he'd dragged me out, he'd kicked me, and then he'd gone around to the back of the tent to listen to me. He crawled through the sleeping bag with me. He told me that we were going to have sex, and he started touching me. I remember screaming, over and over again. I

I almost didn't wake up this morning. If you have ever thought of doing something like this, please think twice.

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