I have written a letter.

I have written a letter with everything I never have said to my mother. I hid it inside my make up bag, where I hope she will never find it. Despite this, I feel strangely liberated by writing it out, even if I don't have the guts to give it to her.<br><br>I sat at my desk, sitting in my high school chair and scribbling on college ruled paper. My handwriting looked horrible, which was unlike me, but I felt great as i sat, writing and pouring words onto the paper, telling her how her words have hurt me, and I felt relaxed. I wasn't worried about my grammar or syntax, just my raw thoughts.<br><br>I cannot believe the day she talked to me with pure hatred, disdain, and disgust in her voice, and kept saying "I know I sound mean," but then she said "just be a normal girl, get your hair done, wear cute dresses and heels, wear some nice makeup, and make friends. Why do you have to be so different? Why does your life have to look so much harder than everyone else's? Why can't you be like every other girl?"<br><br>It was like a knife to my heart. I don't want to be like every other girl, I want to be myself, and I have to make the choices that are best for me, despite the fact that they might not be what she was looking for in the perfect daughter. I cried as I walked out of the house, and walked some miles, ending up in a coffee shop crying so loudly that I had to be asked to leave. I felt so abandoned, hurt, and destroyed.<br><br>I have realized, that writing this letter has helped me let go of the hurt and anger I felt that day. It was never meant to be given to her; it was always meant to be for me.<br><br>I feel more at peace than I have in a while. <br><br>This is for every person who has written a letter they never gave to someone. I understand.