Every night, my girlfriend wakes me up to tell the exact same joke.

Before i start, i feel like i should let something very clear: I absolutely love Ellen. We've been together for three years now, and i truly can't see myself spending my time with anyone else. We both have good jobs, nice apartments, and we're really starting to build a life together. It's something i really cherish about our relationship, and i feel incredibly lucky for that. <br><br>&#x200B;<br><br>That being said, there's something a little odd that's gone on throughout our entire relationship, and it's something we've never really gotten to the bottom of. Each night, no matter how tired she is, no matter how late we decide to go to bed, Ellen always wakes me up an hour or so after we fall asleep. <br><br>"Hey baby?" she always says, in that familiar, gentle voice of hers. <br><br>When i open my eyes to look at her, she always pulls my arm around her for some reason, never just leaving it on her waist or stomach or on the covers, but never failing to wrap it entirely around her waist. <br><br>"Tell me the joke," she says, turning to me with an expressionless face.<br><br>"I told you a million times. I don't know the joke." I always reply, exasperated. <br><br>Ellen always wears the same expression in response, never changing it once in all these years. <br><br>"Don't play dumb with me," she says, coldly, but always so calmly. <br><br>"I can't play the joke, because i don't know it!" I argue back. She always huffs at me, but never retorts. Instead, she lays her head back down, closes her eyes, and goes back to sleep. I always wake up more frustrated than not, but thankfully it doesn't seem to carry over into the relationship. <br><br>So the next night, we just forget about it. I don't mention it, she doesn't mention it. It isn't a big thing, or at least i thought so at first. It's just something we dealt with, even if it was annoying. I'm not gonna lie, it's probably the least frustrating thing on a list of things that Ellen does that inconvenience me. But, it's one of those things where it doesn't feel totally right. You know, like that feeling you get when you can't remember a word, but you know that you know it. It was just...off. <br><br>I personally spent years trying to get to the bottom of it, to figure out if there was some sort of inside joke that she was playing on me. I would spend hours working myself up into paranoia to no end, exhausting myself on a dead end road. Even worse than my own paranoia, i'd be lying if i said that it didn't make me feel a little off, even though i can't really explain why. Ellen's always been a perfectly kind, perfectly lovely person, but this was just something that was always out of place, something that never made sense no matter how much she tried to make me believe it did. I would always get these strange, gnawing feelings that Ellen didn't know me or love me at all, that she was calling to some other person who knew the joke, some person she thought i was. It always left a bad taste in my mouth, and it's not something i've ever really grown out of. <br><br>But, there was one night where all of that changed.<br><br>It started with what would have otherwise been a normal night at a bar with some of my friends. We were all having a good time when i ended up getting into a conversation with one of them, Tom, who was in a relationship with a girl that Ellen had gone to high school with. <br><br>"So, uh, you're dating Ellen, right?" He said. <br><br>"Yeah, we've been together for a few years now." I replied. <br><br>"Oh, cool, yeah, of course i knew that. So, has she ever, you know..." He motioned with his hand, as if he was opening a jar. <br><br>I cocked my head slightly, unsure of what Tom was trying to say. "Has she ever what?" I asked. <br><br>"Don't play dumb. You know what I'm talking about." Tom said with a sly grin. <br><br>I furrowed my brow. "I don't know what you're talking about." <br><br>Tom's expression immediately stopped being amused. He looked worried, like i had just told him something bad was about to happen. "Okay, well, stop pretending you don't know what i mean. You do, and if you don't, i made a big mistake." <br><br>I sighed. "Tom, i don't know what you mean." <br><br>Tom downed the rest of his beer in one long gulp. "I gotta go," he said, almost in a panic, and then he was gone. I was left standing there, alone, and more confused than ever. There was something that everybody else knew, something that i didn't, and i was determined to find out what it was. <br><br>That night, i decided to do something that i hadn't tried in a while, since we'd started having these daily conversations. "Hey Ellen?" I said, tired but resolved. <br><br>"Yeah?" <br><br>"Do you know Tom?" I asked. Ellen didn't reply. "His girlfriend went to high school with you, right?" Ellen still didn't reply. I sighed, exasperated, and sat up in bed. I saw that she was fast asleep, dead to the world, but for some reason, i felt like somebody was listening to me. <br><br>"Alright then, well, i guess i'll talk to myself. Tom made it obvious to me that you're hiding something, Ellen. I'm gonna find out what it is, no matter what." <br><br>I went to sleep, and the next morning, i went about planning to get to the bottom of things. First things first, i decided i'd talk to Tom and see if i could get anything out of him. When i called him though, he wouldn't answer. I texted him, and he didn't reply either. Frustrated as all hell, i decided to try calling his girlfriend, and she did pick up. <br><br>"Hey, is Tom there?" I asked. <br><br>"No, he's not. He told me what happened," She said. <br><br>"And?" <br><br>"And i have nothing to say. I'm sorry." With that, she hung up. <br><br>I didn't know where else to go, so i decided to try something that wouldn't sound so crazy to anybody but myself. Lying in bed, i started talking to nobody again. <br><br>"Tom and his girlfriend won't talk to me, Ellen. I'm beginning to wonder, are you not who you say you are? Are you hiding something from me?" As i had expected, she didn't reply. For a few moments, i just sat in silence in the bed. <br><br>"You know, Tom said something to me that really rung a bell. He made that gesture, you know, the one like he was opening a jar. Do you know what that means?" <br><br>As i sat for a few more minutes in silence, something strange started to happen. The room around me started to distort slightly, and i felt a strange sensation, as if i myself was being twisted. I felt a cold sweat starting to break on my forehead, and that same gnawing anxiety started to take a hold of my stomach once more. <br><br>Suddenly, something clicked, and Ellen sat up in bed. She didn't look like Ellen anymore, though. Her face was totally pale, and her eyes were black as coal. She stared at me, coldly, menacingly, and opened her mouth into an inhuman grin. <br><br>Then, she said it. <br><br>*Do you know the joke?*