My wife [20f] and i [21m] haven't had sex or any physical intimacy since middle school. We broke up and I dont know if I should try to win her back or move on.

My wife and i met when we were kids, she's been my best friend since we were kids. I was able to work through my fear of rejection and ask her to be my girlfriend in middle school, and she said yes. She was my first "real" kiss and we were each-other's firsts for a long time. We were middle school loves who went to the same high school, went to different colleges, got back together, got married and are now divorced. It's a long story.<br><br>When we were in middle school we had a normal relationship. We would usually hang out together at school, but we didn't have a lot of alone time outside of school. We would each go to the others house with some friends, but the closest we came to being alone together was when we would walk around her block for a few minutes. Even at that age I don't know how she didn't get in trouble for staying out so late. We would always be together at school, when we had lunch together and would find benches to sit on so we could be alone.<br><br>We broke up for the second time in a very long time when we were freshmen in high school. We had a class with each other and someone asked me if I had a girlfriend, I said yes. She got angry at me because I didn't say fiance, which is a ridiculous thing to be angry about. Looking back I just should have broke up with her then.<br><br>We went to different colleges because she changed her mind about what college she would go to to be closer to me. I think she changed her mind about college after she found out that I was going to the same college as my best friend. Even though we didn't go to the same college we would still talk and I would still go see her when I went back home. We would spend all our time together and we would usually hang out at her house with her family. After a few years of college I started to have feelings for her again and I told her that I wanted to try dating again. She was excited and I was so happy I was going to get my high school sweetheart back. She suggested that we get an apartment together and I was happy to do it because I figured that if we lived together that we wouldn't have to worry about her parents anymore about alone time. This was a big mistake.<br><br>We lived together but never had sex. We shared a bed every night but she never wanted to have sex. I think she only had sex with me once or twice a year, and only in the bed. I would get to the apartment first and she would always be in the shower. I would ask her if we could have sex in the shower and she would say no. We would have sex in the bed and she would never want to do anything. Whenever we had sex I would basically just do everything. I would always initiate sex and she would just say yes. It was so frustrating because she never seemed to enjoy sex, and I never was able to have sex with her in any other part of the apartment. I was just so tired of my wife not wanting to have sex with me.<br><br>My wife doesn't like any social media but she likes tiktok. She was on tiktok way more than usual after she quit her job. She was on it at home. It was making me so mad because I would be trying to read and just have her basically scroll through tiktok and watch videos with the sound off. She would scroll through and then post her own videos. They were so bad, she was just talking into her phone with no sound, and then she started posting her singing and doing little dances. It got to the point finally when she was watching videos that I asked her to stop because I couldn't listen to the sound effects. She took this as me saying she can't have fun in her own home so I had to apologize. <br><br>Thanks to tiktok she decided she wanted to get married. She didn't want to get married before, and then she wanted to get married really fast. She had to have her wedding album and she wanted our wedding to be a surprise. I didn't understand how she could have an album if she didn't know the details of her wedding. It didn't make sense, and I just couldn't deal with how the tiktok algorithm was making me feel like a bad husband. I didn't want her to have to go through a bad wedding because of some videos.<br><br>We got married, but we still didn't have sex. I brought it up and she said she was abstaining from sex until we got married, but she still didn't want to have sex. I thought maybe she just didn't like having sex, but a video of her went viral. She got over 1 million views for singing a song that is popular on tiktok to some guy. I think it was just a joke but I didn't need to see it. She said it was just a joke, but usually when a woman sings a song like that to a guy it's not a joke. Whenever I brought up intimacy she didn't want to talk about it. Not only did we not have sex, but we also didn't have any physical intimacy. We wouldn't hug, we wouldn't hold hands, sometimes she would let me give her a kiss on the cheek goodnight. We didn't sit next to each other on the couch. It was just so frustrating to have my wife not want me to touch her.<br><br>I just couldn't handle it anymore. I think it all came together when we were at her parents house. She was right next to me and she was on tiktok the whole time. I just lost it and told her that I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who didn't show me any affection and didn't want me to touch her. I said that I needed intimacy in a relationship. I totally overreacted and I think she took what I said really seriously. We went on a trip together but she didn't want to share a bed anymore. I told her that i'm sorry and that i will try to show her more affection but she just said that she wasn't married anymore. It really caught me off guard when she said that she wanted a divorce. She didn't even want to get married to begin with! And she wasn't even married that long. I don't really know how to get her back. I would do anything for her and she knows this. I finally told her that if she's going to get a divorce she should get a real one, annul our marriage instead. <br><br>I know I'm partially to blame for this. I have social anxiety, which makes it hard for me to express my feelings sometimes. I feel like I need to just tell her how much she means to me and what she means to me. I'm just really worried that she's already gone and there's nothing I can say to make her feel differently.