I wrote this to—and wrote me back

When I was a kid, I wrote to someone I thought—and I hope—was someone I could reasonably have someone I could open up to. A pastor. My whole life when I was a kid, I had a hard time making friends outside of school, so I gravitated towards my fellow classmates. And then there was that same kid who ruined my life. The one who invited me to his house one—and while I was there, took my picture and recorded my voice, while I was alone—without my consent—because he was going to “edit” it… A few years after that, he invited me to his church, and I had such a bad feeling, I didn’t wear my usual glasses, because I didn’t want—and I was right—and while I didn’t give him my—and while I took my picture and recorded my voice, I was sorry to see him again and I told them so—because he had hurt me with what he did… A few years after that, I met him at a coffee shop, and while there, he told me that he was a resident pastor in an underground church and asked if I would like to come to his church. I was again hesitant, but he said that he would not record me and that he had power over his intentions. That he was a Christian and wanted to show me that he was very sorry for his past and wanted me to meet him again. I decided—and while there, I took his picture and recorded—and while I was there, I took several pictures of him, recorded his voice, and—while I was there, I wrote him a “letter” detailing everything that he had done to me. Then, he called me when I was in school and told me that he wanted me to come to a service, but this time—like an underground church is supposed to be—no pictures, no recording… and I said no, I would not go. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years, and then came Covid. I wasn’t doing particularly well during Covid. In fact no one was… So I became a bit… Somber And one day, I wanted to read the letter I wrote to him. It was while I was reading this letter that I realized what I had done. By committing—by the same sin that he committed—by taking pictures and recording—and by taping myself, I committed a sin that was ten times worse than his. I read the letter and wept with tears. A few days after I finished reading the letter, I decided to destroy the letter. It was then that I received a bunch of letters from resident pastors from various churches saying that they wanted to invite me to their church and were sorry. A few weeks after receiving these letters, I decided to destroy them as well. I put the letter in there and—well, like the years I took the pictures and recorded their voices—I realized similarly that I had destroyed the only proof I had… And I regretted it… A lot… From that point on, I was—more than I had been. The guilt, the regret, the—most of all, the sin, it all weighed on me—like never before. I became depressed for most of the next year and a half. The guilt, the—was too much to—and while I wasn’t crazy, I started thinking about suicide—and was so depressed. I could not and would not—about what had happened—because I was too scared that someone I confided in would call it in. I tried to talk to a friend about it but—and while he listened, he was so—and was so—I couldn’t finish telling him And while that pain was—hard to—and while it was—to tell someone—I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— So I did the only thing I could think of to stop it… I lied to myself that the pain was happy to live with it. A few months after that, I saw a post for an underground church and knew I had to go. I called the church several times there and—and while they had a lot of questions, they—and while I was crazy to—and while I was sure they would turn me in, I told them what happened, and—more than I ever thought possible—listened… I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them. I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them… I never felt empowered to stop the—and while I wanted to take a burden, I was sorry to see them again and I told them so—because I hurt them with what I did… A few years after that—and while I was still in pain, I put the pain away when I needed to and decided to get a resident pastor. I have been in residence for (X) years now. I moved (X) years ago, and for the past (X) years, I have been in residence… I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them. I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them… I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them… When no one else felt empowered to stop the pain of— I met them. And while I was so crazy to—and while I was sure they would turn me in, I told them what happened, and—more than I ever thought possible—listened… I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them. I never felt empowered to stop the—and while I wanted to take a burden, I was sorry to see them again and I told them so—because I hurt them with what I did… And they listened to me, they listened to me. And while it was hard to tell them, I was so glad I did. And while I was so scared to break free from— I am so glad I did… And while it was hard to tell them, I was so glad I did. And while I no longer felt empowered to stop the pain of— I was so glad I did… It has been (X) years now, and I am finally happy And while I was so crazy to—and while I was sure they would turn me in, I told them what happened, and—more than I ever thought possible—listened… And while it was hard to tell them, I was so glad I did. And while I was so scared to break free from— I am so glad I did… And while I no longer felt empowered to stop the pain of— I was finally happy… I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them. I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them… I never felt empowered to stop the—and while I wanted to take a burden, I was sorry to see them again and I told them so—because I hurt them with what I did… And they listened to me, they listened to me. And while it was hard to tell them, I was so glad I did. And while I was so scared to break free from— I am so glad I did… And while it was hard to tell them, I was so glad I did. And while I no longer felt empowered to stop the pain of— I was finally happy… Even though it was hard to tell them, I was so glad I did. And even though I was so scared to break free from— I was finally happy… When I was a kid, I would have never thought someone like them would ever exist. But it wasn’t until I met them that something changed inside of me. I felt like I was finally understood… I couldn’t believe that I had let one person ruin my life, for so, so long… From that point on, I was no longer—like I was before. I was no longer— I was no longer— And while I was so crazy to—and while I was sure they would turn—and while they listened to me and I was so glad I did… I—and while it was hard to tell them, I was so And while I screamed, I screamed And while I cried, I cried… I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them. I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them… I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them… And when I met them, I realized that something had changed inside of me. I no longer— I no longer— And while I was so crazy to—and while I was sure they would turn me in, I told them what happened, and—more than I ever thought possible—listened… And while it was—and while I was so—and while I screamed, I screaming— And while I cried, I cried… —and while it was hard to tell them, I was so And while I screamed, I screamed And while I cried, I cried… And while I felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them. I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them… I never felt—and while I screamed, I screaming— And while I cried, I cried… —and while it was hard to tell them, I was so And while I screamed, I screaming And while I cried, I screaming… I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them. I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them… I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— Until I met them… I never felt empowered to stop the pain of— And while I screamed, I screaming And while I cried, I crying…

I wrote this to—and wrote me back

Comments (0) 0 👁️