I(40m) had a one night stand 9 months ago and I just found out I have a daughter. Wife(39f) wants her name involved, I disagree.

A little background...I've been married to my wife for 13 years, we met when we were 16 in high school, went to the same college and got married right after college. There have never been any issues in our relationship, we are still best friends from day one after all theses years, neither of us have ever cheated or wanted to cheat on each other, we have always been happy.<br><br>I was at a week long company outing last October, it was the first time in months I had gone out with the boys. We decided to go to a strip club one night after drinking a lot throughout the day. I wasn't looking to get involved with anyone but just having a good time with my boys.<br><br>For one night only, I hooked up with an woman who was also with a group of girls. I didn't find out or care about anyone's name, and we never spoke to each other prior or after that night. The next morning I was half passed drunk and dropped her off outside her apartment, we gave each other a quick good bye kiss, and that was it. I never heard from her again, and didn't think I'd ever hear from her again.<br><br>6 months ago I had a medical emergency and ended up having a necrosectomies, which is a major surgery where a lot of my digestive tract was removed. As a result I'm infertile. So I though I was the shy of child.<br><br>Last week, 2 weeks before my birthday, my wife and I were discussing our birthday party. She asked me if I wanted her mom and dad to come to the party, it has been 2 years since we have all seen each other. I said it yes, and that we could make it a dinner at a new restaurant that just opened up in town. While we were on the phone discussing all this, I heard her mom in the background giving feedback on the restaurant. I then said how I liked the new restaurant on main street, she agreed and then proceeded to give feedback similar to what I heard her mom say. Something just didn't feel right, so I asked her if her mom was in the house. She said yes, I then asked how did her mom know about the restaurant on main street. She was quite confused and said she can't remember how her mom would know about it. I then asked if I should come over and help figure it out, she then got quite upset and hung up.<br><br>When I got home from work she was in the living room with our 2 sons(4 and 2) and my wife was very distant. After an hour of her not talking and me trying to initiate a conversation about here mom knowing about the restaurant, to when I was trying to make dinner, she finally broke her silence and said as I was cutting up a vegetable "Did I sleep with someone else when you were in Scottsdale for the company outing last year?". I about dropped the knife, I tried to play dumb and pretend I don't know what she was talking about. She then said "don't lie to me, your party I got your card and saw the stamp from the strip club". That night I admitted everything that happened. I told her I slept with a dancer at the strip club and never thought of it again.<br><br>She was upset and didn't talk to me for 3 days. 2 days ago she told me she needs to go to the hospital to give birth. I was stunned, I have been declared infertile 6 months ago. A trip to the ER and a meeting with her OB/GYN later, and I now have a 6 day old daughter.<br><br>As you can imagine I'm still in a lot of shock, I had a lot to process. On Monday I sat with my wife and inlaws and found out that this woman I had a one night stand with 9 months ago is her long lost cousin that she never knew she had until 5 years ago. The story is that her aunt had an affair, gave the child up for adoption, and it was kept hidden from everyone except her and her cousin who was born out of wedlock. Her mom stumbled upon all this during a family reunion 4 years before my wife was pregnant with what we thought was my daughter.<br><br>I haven't really talked to my wife the past 3 days, she is still in the bedroom crying I guess. I want to talk to her, but I don't know how. Up until now I don't really know what to say to her. I do want to be a father to my daughter, but I'm still dealing and trying to uncouple all the emotions I have. I do want to be there for my sons, and I don't want them to know about the other child yet.<br><br>I need advice on how I should proceed. I'm going to try and have a conversation with her later, and I'm looking for ideas on how that conversation should go.