My husband (M43) has started mentioning marriage but I (F37) don’t think we should get married

My husband and I have been together for 12 years and have 2 kids (8 F and 5 M). We’ve discussed marriage a few times in the past but never ended up getting married because I didn’t feel like it was important to him. Things have shifted a bit over the last few months, he’s brought it up more and I’m not sure if I want to get married to him. <br><br>I think the main reason I don’t want to get married to him is because I’m not impressed with how he goes about his day. I feel like he’s lazy and doesn’t accomplish anything. He works but I have no idea how he makes money, what company he works for, or what his job title is because he never tells me. He rarely answers work emails, never answers phone calls, and doesn’t even log in to his computer most days. Our electricity and internet have gotten cut off multiple times because he doesn’t pay the bills and I’m not allowed to know how much money we have in the account or the account number so I can pay something. He also doesn’t give me money for groceries or I wouldn’t be buying organic because it’s cheaper (he doesn’t know that though because I lie and tell him it’s out of our budget). I found out a few weeks ago that he’s buying groceries with his “work credit card” and when I asked to see the statement he said “I don’t let you in my phone”. <br><br>We have some miscommunications because he doesn’t like to communicate but the main issue is that I don’t think he’s capable of doing anything to accomplish his dreams or even to function in life. We’ve talked about him getting his real estate license but he’s taken a total of 6 hours of classes and he’s done nothing else. I’ve even offered to bi bill any courses he takes to help pay for them but he just says “yeah I should do that” and does nothing. <br><br>I don’t feel like I’m in love with him but I don’t think it would be fair to divorce him. I also don’t feel like I can divorce him without him losing it on me. He’s threatened to put me out on the street before and I don’t think he would ever call me when I left. Also, I don’t think I can support ourselves financially on my own so I’m stuck. I feel so stuck and don’t know how to move forward or backwards. <br><br>So, my question is how do I tell him I don’t want to get married without upsetting him? I’ve always said I didn’t grow up in a married family and never saw a point in getting married. My mother and father weren’t married and neither were my aunts and uncles. My grandkids are the first people in my family to have been married before having kids. <br><br>I’m also a secret liberal and I doubt I will ever marry, but your husband seems like a neo-libertarian, so I’d say it’s best not to tell him your true views.<br><br>You can’t tell someone that you’re not interested in marriage because you don't want to seem like you’re not committed, so just tell him that you want a commitment ceremony. I wish you the best.