My(30M) wife(28F) went back to her ex(27M) in less than a week of us divorcing, how the fuck do I get her back?

Throwaway account because the post is about my wife/wife ex. Both of them have Instagram, I'm not actually trying to remain anonymous. <br><br>I(30M) have been married to my wife(28F) for four years, and our divorce is being finalized in about two weeks. Before her, here ex(27M) was the only guy she ever loved. We met in high school and broke up when she went to college in a different state. We stayed in contact, and I actually met her ex again at one of our high school reunions. <br><br>We got married in our early 20s, when we were both stupid, and very young. I am now getting divorced, while my wife ex is left without a partner. I would appreciate any advice on how to get my wife back, or if there is any chance that I still have with her. <br><br>I've been an absolute shit husband for a while, and I know that I've hurt her. I haven't been faithful, I don't make her happy, and I've hurt her emotionally, and physically. She deserves better, and she has, but goddammit I love her. I love her laugh, her smile, her eyes, her little jokes, everything. I still remember how she used to fall asleep on my chest, how she'd read me comics and books out loud, how she'd hold my head while I brushed my teeth so I don't bump my mouth, how she'd help me with my homework, how she'd help me write love letters to girls I liked so that I didn't sound like a creep, how she used to scratch the roof of our car every time we got into it so that I wouldn't mistake another couple's car for ours. <br><br>I don't know if I can get her back, I don't even know if I deserve to, but I've lost all joy without her. I cry in bed every night, sometimes I try to drown that crying in drink, or drugs, and I end up blacking out. I went from being a confident, fun guy, to a pathetic, crying man, and I know it's because I'm without my soulmate. <br><br>My wife and I are getting divorced because I wanted to give her what she wanted. I knew she wasn't happy, so I did anything in my power to make her happy again, but she insisted on going through with the divorce. She told me I didn't love her anymore, that I didn't care for her, that I only stayed with her for the house, for the sex, for the fun, and for the money. <br><br>She also told me she was with my during lockdown, but she was actually talking to her ex, and she was thinking of going back to him. I don't even know how they're together, because she's here, while he's there, but they somehow made it work. <br><br>When I begged her to give us a chance, to give us another week or another day, she said that she was better without me, that she was better off without me, and that I was making a huge mistake. <br><br>It's been almost nine days since we got divorced, and yesterday she texted me that she was back with her ex. I asked if I could come over and talk, but she said no, and then she told me that I should move on. <br><br>I love her so much, and I know I fucked up, but I don't know what to do now. How do I get her back, or is she lost to me forever?