Why do I love to die? (Life and Death)

I just started reading some philosophy on the afterlife, and I have to admit, it all seems pretty weird and uninteresting to me. I don't care if I exist after death or not. I don't care what happens after I die. I don't even care about this life, except for the fact that I am alive. I think that's all there is to it. I don't care about anything after death because there's nothing I could lose after death, I am nothing. I am not anything. I don't have a body, or a mind, or a spirit. I am nothing. I don't have anything to gain or lose, I am nothing. So, why do I want to die? Why do I want to not exist? I don't know, but it's very strange that I want to die. I want to die so badly. I don't want to be here, I don't want to exist. But I exist. And I want to die. So, why do I want to die? Is it because of the pain of living? I don't feel any pain, so I think not. Is it because of the fact that I am nothing? I think that's a good reason to want to die. So, what is it? Why do I want to die?