I (M29) stole my late father's (M59) car and I crashed it and I feel guilty about it.

I haven't posted here before and I'm not sure if this is the right place for this, but I have to get this out to someone. I live in NJ and the car I stole is a red Pontiac Firebird that my father purchased brand new in 1979. This car was his pride and joy and he spent thousands of dollars customizing and restoring it. <br><br>My father passed away in a car crash about 3 months ago. I was driving home from work in my Pontiac Firebird (same make as my fathers) when I noticed the car in front of me had slowed down. For some reason I slammed on the brakes and hit a bump and my car flipped over and hit a tree. It was a miracle I got out of the accident alive, but unfortunately I suffered severe internal injuries and was in the hospital for a month. I am now recovering at home and still have a couple of months until I can drive again.<br><br>My mothers car was parked in the driveway so I decided to take my fathers car out without telling anyone. I know it was selfish of me and I didn't think anyone would notice it, so I drove it to a secluded park in NJ and drove around in circles for a couple of hours. I drove the car so recklessly that the engine block cracked and the car died. Luckily I was able to push it out of the park and back to my mothers house. <br><br>After a couple of days of me not being able to drive, my mother offered to drive me to the hospital so I could follow her back home. When we stopped at a red light on route 3, I noticed that my mother's car was behind a police car. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw a police car behind me as well. I looked up and saw a police officer standing next to me and he told me to put my hands on the wheel. I tried to put my hands back but he told me to put them back on the wheel. The officer searched me and found my fathers car key and asked me what I was doing with the car. I told the officer that it was mine and he told me that I couldn't drive the car. I tried to explain to him that I was borrowing my fathers car, but he just arrested me. <br><br>I sat in jail for a day and a half and when I was released on bail, I was told by the officer that I had to appear in court. When I went to court, I found out that the car didn't belong to me and I had to pay a $500 fine. I was unable to pay the fine and had to sit in jail for another week until my friend bailed me out. When I got home I found out that my mother had found out about what I did and was furious with me. She told me that I disrespected my father's car and that he would be disappointed in me. I was so upset and ashamed of myself and I haven't told anyone about my fathers car since then. <br><br>I haven't been able to forgive myself and I still feel guilty about what I did. I know my mother doesn't approve of me and my actions have been selfish and reckless. I'm just not sure what to do.