I was raped at a house party and never told anyone.

I'm not sure how long I've had this inside of me, it's been years now. This won't make much sense but I'm trying to get it all out.<br><br>When I was 17, I attended a house party with my friends. I didn't know the people hosting the party, but it was a common occurrence back then. I didn't really drink that much and didn't get too drunk at all that night. I kept myself to my group of friends and had a pretty good time until the end of the party.<br><br>We all said our goodbyes, grabbed our stuff, and headed out of the house. It was dark out, and my friends were splitting off from me to take us to our homes. We agreed to meet up the next day at the mall.<br><br>As I was walking to the car, I noticed this guy standing near the door, looking like he was waiting for someone. He was taller than me, and we made eye contact for a second. That's when everything went downhill.<br><br>He grabbed me, held my arms down, and dragged me back into the house. I was confused, and I couldn't struggle much because he was stronger than me. I tried screaming for help, but the noise was muffled by my hoodie. The last thing I remember before losing consciousness was a strong smell of liquor. When I came to, I was on a bed, naked, and being raped. I remember crying and trying to struggle, but the guy was holding me down.<br><br>After it was over, he left. I was in such a state of panic that I didn't even know what to do. I was scared and ashamed, and I didn't know who to turn to. I eventually managed to get dressed and left the house, but I never told anyone what happened. I was afraid of being judged, and I didn't know how to deal with the trauma.<br><br>For weeks after that night, I had flashbacks and nightmares. I felt alone and scared, but I never said anything to my friends or family. I hid my pain, and I felt like I was carrying this heavy burden alone. It was only later when I learned about the term "rape culture" that I realized how wrong it was to blame myself for what happened.<br><br>I wish I had told someone, but I was too ashamed. I'm ashamed to admit it now, but I let myself be victim-blamed for years. I thought it was my fault for getting too close to the guy or for not wearing enough clothes. But I'm working on changing that mindset now.<br><br>If you're reading this and you've experienced something similar, please know that you're not alone. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault, and it's okay to ask for help. If you ever need someone to talk to or if you need resources, please reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or a professional. You are not alone.<br><br>I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm trying to heal. It's a long journey, and it's not easy, but I'm taking it one step at a time. If you see this, please be kind to everyone around you, especially those who are struggling. Thank you for reading my story.